Bodega counter guy, to girl walking up to buy beers: Fuckin shit! Oh, pardon my language miss. Watch your mouth boys, there's a lady!
Girl: Dude, I'm buying two double Pabst and rolling tobacco, say whatever the fuck you want,
Patron in line behind her: This is Brooklyn, ain't no ladies here.
–Grove & Broadway, Brooklyn
Hobo, interrupting a guy and a girl: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette or get some spare change?
Young man: I'm low on cash and sorry, but I have a cigarette for you. (hands hobo a cigarette) Do you need a light?
Hobo: Nope. (walks away)
(young man and woman continue conversation, hobo comes back and interrupts again)
Hobo: Can I ask you a question?
Young man: Shoot!
Hobo: What does Matt Damon's dick look like in Audrey Hepburn's ass?
Young woman: Trick question.
(hobo gives them the finger, walks away)
–Central Park
Guy #1 to guy #2, who has just dropped a cigarette: You just littered.
Guy #2: It was a cigarette, that's not trash!
–Fashion District
Chick, leaning on wall holding baby: Yo, lemme get a cigarette?
Guy, walking out of the train station: Nah, not with that baby in your hand.
Chick: Pssh, I'm not pregnant.
Guy: Not with that baby in your hand, that's disrespectful.
–Queens Boulevard
Overheard by: A Good Reason Not to Have Kids
Eight-year-old son to father stubbing out cigarette: Can I do it?
Father: No.
Son: Why not?
Father: Because it's for me to do.
Son: But I know what I'm doing, I'm good at it.
–36th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: V
Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um…that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what…here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)
–6th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Michele
20-something #1: You are so different than you were in middle school!
20-something #2: I know, I just quit smoking.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Allison
Drunk chick: I don't care if you let me I'm smoking this fucking cigarette. (lights it)
Driver: Brunettes are slutty.
Drunk chick: What?
Driver: It's okay, I like slutty chicks.
–Taxi Cab, Williamsburg
Overheard by: where's waldo?
Guy on cell: I'm 35. What? That's too old for you? Age ain't nothing but a number, baby. And, I work sometimes too. And I don't smoke. Well, I smoke, but I don't smoke smoke, ya know. And, I've only been in jail once, but that was a long time ago and I've learned. I even read now.
Girl nearby to friend: See, I told you signing up for match.com would be a bad idea. You can never tell who'll answer your ads.
–Atlantic Ave & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Susan
Bum: Can I get a smoke?
Well-dressed 20-something: Sure man. I just ate a girl out!
Bum: Did she cum?
20-something: I don't know, she didn't let me do it for very long. (bum walks away) I can still taste her perfume!
–Penn Station
