Smoking

Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?

–Prince St

Overheard by: Kristen W.

Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.

–British Airways Flight to Heathrow

Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.

–4 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Christine

Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.

–Intermission, Rent

Little girl: Mom, can we go in the supermarket? I want honeycombs.
Mom: No.
Little girl: Mom!
Mom: Girl! You make wanna have a cigarette.

–Outside Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre

Overheard by: Glenn T

Girl: Damn, it’s really cold!
Guy: I know! I hate having to smoke outside in this weather.
Girl: Totally — they should let us smoke inside when it gets like this. Cold weather is bad for your health, y’know?

–29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Jah Shu Wah

Suit: Hey, do you have a light?
Polite Englishman: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
Suit: I asked for a light, not your fucking life story.

–Times Square

Overheard by: English, not polite

Little boy, watching teen girl smoking: Why are people always smoking cigarettes?
Dad: Because they are addictive. That is why daddy quit. Do you want to tell the nice girl what will happen to her if she doesn't quit?
Little boy: Well, first you'll get really sick. And then you'll die. (pause) And then you'll be dead!

–15th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

20-something guy, reading cigarette pack: “Light” does not mean safer. It refers to taste. Lights wont help you quit smoking.
Friend: Uh, alright. Let me get a pack of ultra lights.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jack Straw

Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2-3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–

He taps his hand on his chest.

Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes.

–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk woman to boyfriend, coming out of a restaurant: Can I sit on your face and smoke?
Man: Sure, honey!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Kenny

Mother to daughter wearing a Pink Princess backpack: Hold up, honey, mommy needs to get something out of your bag.
(mother removes pack of cigarettes and lighter from bag)
Husband to wife: You have no shame.

–Central Park

Stripper: Hey, baby! You got a cigarette?
Gentleman customer: No, baby. I’m Jamaican — I only smoke the herb.

–Scores, East Side