Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Hipster girl on cell: Yeah, we’re just gonna smoke some hookah and watch the freshmen. They’re really entertaining.
–Columbia University
Hobo exiting trashcan and shooting smoking pedestrian a dirty look: That smells disgusting. Smoking is such a nasty habit! [Stalks off.]
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: firefry
Lady: … And she’s just the most adorable child! I mean, she has these angelic features and then the voice of a 40-year-old smoker.
–College Walk, Columbia University
Bimbette to friend: They were, like, giving me a bunch of shit since I’m pregnant and still smoking. I was like, ‘It only causes low birth weight. What’s the big deal?!’
–6 train
Overheard by: Drew
Conductor: A reminder, folks — no smoking in the restrooms. You know who you are.
–Amtrak to Boston
Woman #1: Any time she needs a cigarette, she comes to me.
Woman #2: Uh-huh.
Woman #1: And I be, like, when I need a cigarette, why ain't your monkey-ass never have none?
–Marcy & Fulton, Brooklyn
Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan?
–12th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jay
Tourist choir dude: You'll have to smoke.
Tourist choir chick: No, I won't.
Tourist choir dude: Yes, you have to smoke if you live here.
–Broadway & Wall St
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Cosmetology student #1: I'm so happy I got my period.
Cosmetology student #2: What, you're not on the pill or condoms?
Cosmetology student #1: No, I don't let chemicals into my body. (takes long drag on a Lucky Strike)
–Varick & Vandam
Overheard by: Aveda Esthiology Student
Queer #1, stopping at store window: I don’t know. Should I? Well, actually, can I go in?
Queer #2: Sure you can. They let dogs in. Why can’t you go in with a cigarette?
–The Village
Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.
–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th
Overheard by: Pleased
Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!
–Peter McMannus Pub
LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jenna K
NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?
–Waverly & Mercer
Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.
–172nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Asshole: Hey, do you have a cigarette?
Stranger #1: No.
Stranger #2: You can have one of mine.
Asshole: Thanks, this guy (points) has some, but he won't give me one.
(stranger #1 gives asshole cigarette and a white lighter)
Asshole, lighting cigarette: Hey, you know white lighters are bad luck?
Stranger #1: So?
Asshole: You should get a new lighter.
Stranger #1: You should get your own fucking cigarette.
Stranger #2: Yeah, fuck you!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: off white
Bodega guy: What do you want?
Redneck: Camel Lights. Hard pack.
Bodega guy: $6.95.
Redneck: What? You fuckin’ kiddin’ me? That’s higher than a giraffe’s pussy!
–106th & Columbus
Overheard by: Marc
