White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
–Broadway
White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
–Broadway
15-year-old drunk girl: I wanna fuck someone. Let’s find a Mexican for me.
15-year-old drunk guy: Dude, you’re gonna get me killed!
15-year-old drunk girl: I can’t see straight. Where are we?
15-year-old drunk guy: I don’t know.
–G train
Overheard by: Andrew
Blonde WASP: Yeah, and Kristen’s hot!
Brunette WASP: But only once you get to know her…
Blonde WASP: Yeah, you’re totally right… She kinda looks like Marilyn Manson.
Brunette WASP: Oh my god, it’s true! But in a hot way.
Blonde WASP, later on: He totally had to get a septuplet bypass.
Brunette WASP: That sounds so bad.
Blonde WASP: Yeah, they take veins from your leg! He was so fat.
–N train
Overheard by: JayTro
Guy #1: That fucking redhead bitch. I told you, man — those redheads are all the same.
Guy #2: Whoa, dude, I know you’re upset, but racism is not cool.
–57th & Park
Overheard by: rarrw
Chick #1: Where do you wanna go eat?
Chick #2, points at sidewalk: Look, a sperm!
Chick #1: That is not a sperm!
Chick #2: It is!
Chick #1: No, it’s a tadpole!
–16th & 5th
Overheard by: Wow…
Guy selling umbrellas: Get your umbrellas! Two dollars! Get your umbrellas! Two dollars!
Customer: How much are they?
–7th Ave
Overheard by: Maggie
Headline by: waphle
Runners-Up:
· “I Mean, in Goats?” – jloubelle
· “That’s Not “Ironic” Either, Alanis.” – Janet
· “Tourists Aren’t Just for Show” – should probably doing work
· “Your First Born…And An Hour With That Old Broad On Your Left” – ae
HS girl #1: What’s that Friday right before Easter? I think it’s Passover, right?
HS girl #2: Yo, you know Easter was created by the Easter Orthodox Church?
–M train, Williamsburg Bridge
Overheard by: Tito
Girl #1: Did you hear Bush’s speech thing last night?
Girl #2: No…
Girl #3: Hmmm, no… Wait, is Citibank a real bank?
Girl #2: Actually, I don’t know [giggles]… Should we stop by Abercrombie?
Girl #1: I’m freezing!
–54th & 5th
Overheard by: dale
Bible thumper: There is a reason they call it ‘Black Friday.’ This is the end of times, folks. They are here.
Queer working at Alexia Crawford: Man, I can’t wait to be 60 and bitter.
–Union Square
Overheard by: ritechus
Teen girl #1: No! I can’t go, because your mom’s a motherfucking whore!
Teen girl #2: Okay, I love you! Bye!
–104th & Broadway
