Tourist #1: Our next vacation should be to Chicago. At least people there are normal.
Tourist #2: They are not normal.
Tourist #1: Why not?
Tourist #2: People from the Midwest just don’t get it like we do — we just get it.
Tourist #1: Yeah, I guess you’re right. I think I get it.
Tourist #2: No, you don’t.
–Times Square
Female coworker: Seven inches. That’s seven inches I’ve had taken out.
–1250 Broadway
Crazy, wigged Puerto Rican chick: There are so many different personalities, you know? Fifty-one states, fifty-one different personalities.
–Outside Home Night Club, 27th St, between 10th & 11th
Queer on cell: Well, everyone wants to be number one… Until they are number one… Then they want to be number five.
–Union Square
Asian airline rep: To all passengers waiting for standby information on flight, chances of getting on airplane are zero to none. Please, no more asking.
–LaGuardia
Teen trying on jacket: How does this look on me, on a scale of one to ten, with five being the middle?
–Virgin Megastore
Overheard by: Raoul
Guy on cell: I have two, three, or four siblings…
–9th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: you can never be too sure
Male student: Hey, do you want to watch Harold and Maude later?
Female student #1: Is that the one–? Never mind.
Male student: Wait, what were you going to say?
Female student #1: Is that the one with the hippos?
Male student: What are you talking about?
Female student #1: One wore a suit jacket, and the other wore a little dress…
Male student, later: Wanna see Harold and Maude later?
Female student #2: Is that the one with the hippos? Did one of them have a hat?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Olivia
Latina #1 pushing stroller: Mira! Today was the first day of David’s school!
Latina #2: Damn! It start so quickly already?
Latina #1: Yeah, I went to drop David and met with the principal. He seemed a bit shady.
Latina #2: Shady? Like how?
Latina #1: I dunno. He was going on about how he treat everybody in school like his own children. I was like, ‘Hold up! What family has so many kids, anyway?’
–9th & 4th
Lady: Oh, man, I hate it when it rains, because there’s water and you get wet.
Male companion: Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
–6 train, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Beth
Boyfriend: I love Barnes and Noble.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I love books.
Boyfriend: Me, too. I just wish I liked reading.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Headline by: Tosser
Runners-Up:
· “As long as it gets the poo off my ass, I’m happy” – Jim C.
· “But I have a nice set of Hemingway coasters.” – Sarah K
· “But get enough of them together, you have one hell of a fort.” – DJR
· “I just like to judge them by their covers” – Peter
· “It’s goal number 2, right after learnig to color inside the lines” – kristen
Student, after two-hour lecture on Charles Darwin: Yo, professor?
Teacher: Yes, Phyllis?
Student: That Charlie — he da man!
Teacher: Indeed! Charlie is the man, Phyllis! Excellent!
–Queensborough Community College
Overheard by: Just trying to pass…
Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t give head.
Guy: Oh, why? You don’t like it?
Bimbette: No, it’s just that I’m afraid to get pregnant!
–78th & 41st
Overheard by: rain
Chick #1: So, then you sat on the floor and started kicking. You stopped and said we should smoke when we got back to our room, to piss her off.
Chick #2: Did we?
Chick #1: We didn’t have any cigarettes left.
Chick #2: But you have a pipe!
Chick #1: Where was I going to get pot at two in the morning?
Chick #2: You could’ve called someone. Damn, I wish I could remember last night.
–Fordham, Lincoln Center
