Tourist man: Hey, look at this! They’re selling this stuff out on the street!
Tourist lady with thick accent: They have no doors! The rodents will steal all their bread!
Store owner: This is not a bread store, ma’am!
Tourist lady: They will steal your bread! The rodents will steal your bread!
Store owner: We have no bread here!
–Canal St
Clerk: What’s that symbol on your shirt?
Chick: It says ‘Nepal.’
Clerk: What’s Nepal?
Chick: It’s where the Dalai Lama lives.
Clerk: What’s the Dalai Lama? Is that an animal?
Chick: Yeah, it’s like a Yeti.
Clerk: Oh.
–Pelham Pkwy
Overheard by: raginggoatboy
Big black lady #1: Have you been to that new Queens mall?
Big black lady #2: No.
Big black lady #1: Half the people be shoppin’, half of ’em be watchin’ people, and I don’t even know ’bout the other half. It gets so damn crowded!
–1 train
Overheard by: No Kidding
Chick #1: … And I’m just trying to make myself a virgin again, you know?
Chick #2: Yeah, I know.
–St. James Pl
NYU guy #1: Do you think the Greeks waxed?
NYU guy #2: What?
NYU guy #1: I mean, they always look so smooth in those statues.
–Lafayette & Walker
Overheard by: Chris
Girl #1 dressed as 1920s flapper: She was molested by her math teacher when she was a kid and sued for a ton of money.
Girl #2 dressed as 1920s flapper: Why couldn’t I have been molested as child?
Girl #3 dressed as 1920s flapper: Lucky bitch!
–Eat Here Now diner, Lex Ave
Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…
–Haru, 18th & Park
Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.
–Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….
Headline by: bri b
Runners-Up:
· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee
· “Out of her penis.” – Kate
· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr
· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz
Seven-year-old ghetto kid: This is the Earth, yo!
–Earth Science Hall, Museum of Natural History
Dad to seven-year-old son: If you’re gonna steal somethin’, you gotta steal somethin’ you can sell.
–Museum of Natural History gift shop
Overheard by: rufus
Cowboy squinting at museum pamphlet with wife and kids: The Big… Bang? What’s that?
–Museum of Natural History
Child passing the Australopithecus couple: Look, Ma! It’s like you and Dad on your honeymoon!
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Dottie
Employee: Welcome to the Hayden Planetarium. Please turn off your cell phones, digital cameras, and small children.
–Museum of Natural History
Mother: Stop screaming! They can’t hear you!
–Museum of Natural History
Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.
–9th St, between Ave A & B
Overheard by: rpk
