Lady: Oh, man, I hate it when it rains, because there’s water and you get wet.
Male companion: Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
–6 train, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Beth
Lady: Oh, man, I hate it when it rains, because there’s water and you get wet.
Male companion: Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
–6 train, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Beth
Boyfriend: I love Barnes and Noble.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I love books.
Boyfriend: Me, too. I just wish I liked reading.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Headline by: Tosser
Runners-Up:
· “As long as it gets the poo off my ass, I’m happy” – Jim C.
· “But I have a nice set of Hemingway coasters.” – Sarah K
· “But get enough of them together, you have one hell of a fort.” – DJR
· “I just like to judge them by their covers” – Peter
· “It’s goal number 2, right after learnig to color inside the lines” – kristen
Student, after two-hour lecture on Charles Darwin: Yo, professor?
Teacher: Yes, Phyllis?
Student: That Charlie — he da man!
Teacher: Indeed! Charlie is the man, Phyllis! Excellent!
–Queensborough Community College
Overheard by: Just trying to pass…
Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t give head.
Guy: Oh, why? You don’t like it?
Bimbette: No, it’s just that I’m afraid to get pregnant!
–78th & 41st
Overheard by: rain
Chick #1: So, then you sat on the floor and started kicking. You stopped and said we should smoke when we got back to our room, to piss her off.
Chick #2: Did we?
Chick #1: We didn’t have any cigarettes left.
Chick #2: But you have a pipe!
Chick #1: Where was I going to get pot at two in the morning?
Chick #2: You could’ve called someone. Damn, I wish I could remember last night.
–Fordham, Lincoln Center
Tourist: What kind of berry is a triberry?
Barista: What?
Tourist: You’re selling a triberry muffin. Well, what’s a triberry? I’ve never heard of that before.
Barista: It has blueberry, strawberry, and raspberry in it. They call it triberry because it has three kinds of berries in it.
Tourist: So there aren’t any triberries in it?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Then why do you call it a triberry muffin? That’s false advertising.
Barista: As I explained, it’s called that because it has three berries in it.
Tourist: But none of those berries are triberries?
Barista: No. There is no such thing as a triberry.
Tourist: I don’t understand.
Barista: Look, do you want the muffin or not?
Tourist: I don’t think so. I don’t want to eat anything unless I know what it is first.
Barista: So what can I get you?
Tourist: Do you have a donut?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Never mind. [leaves]Barista: Dumbass.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Waplow
Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Vitto
Headline by: Alli
Runners-Up:
· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish
· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell
· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout
· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising
· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o
Girl #1: My grandma is coming into the city Saturday to bleach my cat.
Girl #2: Bleach your cat?
Girl #1: Yeah, he got into the flowers and the pollen turned him canary yellow.
Girl #2: Bleach your cat?
Girl #1: Well, it didn’t come off in the bath…
–82nd & Madison
Eye candy: Why would he say that I was not educated?
Friend: Well, that’s not exactly what he said, now was it?
Eye candy: No, he said I was tapid and voided of thought.
Friend: Vapid and devoid of thought.
Eye candy: Same thing.
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Dude #1: That restaurant across the street must be amazing. There’s always a crowd outside. Is it really that good?
Dude #2: No. It’s a bus stop.
–65th & Central Park West
