Dude: … And I stabbed her with a pencil. That’s when she turned into a vampire!
Friend: Are you serious?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Stef
Headline by: Arlene
Runners-Up:
· “Night Of the Living Spongebob” – Lalaith
· “Anne Rice Has Officially Run Out Of Ideas” – Jeff
· “It Might Be Time to Retire, Stephen King.” – space coyote
· “Sure I Am. Now Finish Your Paint Chips.” – Craig should be working
· “Tom Cruise Explains Scientology” – Meg
· “Undead Serious” – t.a.m.s.y.
Fruity metro guy: My truck makes this crazy noise whenever I brake.
Mechanic: What’s the make of your truck, son?
Fruity metro guy: White.
Mechanic: No, son, the make.
Fruity metro guy: Truck.
Mechanic: The make, son, the make.
Fruity metro guy: 1997. There, I’ve just told you everything I know about my truck.
Mechanic: Who made your truck? Ford? Nissan?
Fruity metro guy: Oh, you mean the brand. It’s Ford.
Mechanic: A truck ain’t a pair of jeans, son.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: JoshOnTheBus
Dude #1: Do anything this weekend?
Dude #2: Yeah, went to my cousin’s wedding.
Dude #1: Open bar?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I don’t drink, ’cause I’m an alcoholic, so I only had a couple vodka tonics.
–Jacob Javits Convention Center
Adult daughter: Wait — so your friend in college had a pet alligator in his apartment? That’s so dangerous! Did it ever bite you?
Father: Yeah, but only once, and it was because I tried to fill it up with dirt.
–The Frick Museum
Suit #1: She’s smart, funny, beautiful… What more could you ask for?
Suit #2: Yeah, but she probably votes. I don’t like women that vote.
–Union Station
Overheard by: Jacksonian Democracy
Teen girl #1: So, last night we were talking, and he still wants to put it in my ass… Like, how could I be with someone who only thinks about shoving his thing up my ass?
Teen girl #2: So what are you gonna do?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know! Help me!
Teen girl #2, puzzled: I thought you love anal sex?
Teen girl #1: Oh, yeah.
–S79 bus
Overheard by: rob l
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
NYU girl #1, during fire alarm: Whoa, look! There’s an elevator. Maybe it’s going to dump water on the building to put out the fire.
NYU girl #2: Wait… What?
NYU girl #1: Did I say elevator? I meant helicopter. Whatever.
–Washington Square Park
Sixth grader #1: When I grow up, I’m going to make a movie called The Tallest Midget!
Sixth grader #2: Nigga, you stupid.
–Triboro coach
Overheard by: face
Gym rat #1: Yeah, I go to a great gym… And it’s not a fashion show like other places — people are there to work out.
Gym rat #2: Yeah?
Gym rat #1: Yeah. And the girls there? Oh, man, they are so hot. That is the best thing about it.
–6 train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: rory solomon
