Stupidity

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, What Exit You From?

Mom to three-year-old: Actually, there are two other airports in New York. One is called ‘JFK,’ and the other is called ‘New Jersey.’

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fudd

Drunk girl: Well, somebody’s walking back to Jersey tonight!

–Times Square

Man on cell: Well, you’re really going to have to gather whatever inner strength you’ve got, look inside yourself, stay strong… Be prepared to live without me around… Huh? New Jersey! What did you think I meant?

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Guy on cell: She’s moving to Israel? Really? I guess people really will do anything to get out of New Jersey.

–Park Slope

Woman on cell: No, you see, this guy was a Jersey guy. He might have made it big on Wall Street, but he’s a Jersey guy. That was a mistake.

–Battery Park

But I’m Baked and I Still Weigh the Same

Bimbo #1 picking up box of baking soda: I didn’t know soda was baked…
Bimbo #2: Thank god it’s not fried! Do you know how many extra calories that would be?!

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Walford geog

It’s a Copyright Violation Grand Slam

NYU student #1: What’s that song, ‘Walk Like a Man’?
NYU student #2: No, it’s ‘Walk Like an Egyptian.’
NYU student #3: Who sings that?
NYU student #1: Phil Collins.

All three start singing Tarzan theme song.

–Canal & Lafayette

He Wants a Shot at Batman and the Title

Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?

–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

I Haven’t Actually Read It

Chick #1: Yeah, Lovely Bones is my favorite book. Totally. What’s yours?
Chick #2: Oh, this book called On the Road. It’s by this guy, Jack Kerouac.
Chick #1: Yeah? What’s it about?
Chick #2: It’s about this beat stuff. ‘Cause the guy — he was, ya know, beat.
Chick #1: Beat?
Chick #2: Yeah, like, him and Allen Ginsberg wrote stuff and hitchhiked and dropped out of Columbia.
Chick #1: Oh my god. Why would you ever drop out of Columbia? Must have sucked to be them.
Chick #2: Yeah, I dunno. I guess they were, like, broke.

–6 train toward Bleecker

The Centuries of Oppression are All Part of Their Cover Story

Jewish guy #1: See if you can buy that broken cookie for a good deal.
Jewish guy #1 and #2 at same time: Fifty cents, yeah!
Jewish guy #3: That’s why we run the world.
All three: Yeah!

–Starbucks, 60th & 1st Ave

Overheard by: jeremy

In the Same Way that Those WMDs Were ‘Sold Out’

Loud customer: Do you have She-Ra: Princess of Power?
Cashier: No, we don’t carry it.
Loud customer: It’s sold out?
Cashier: No. We don’t carry it.
Loud customer: It’s sold out?
Cashier: …Yes.

–Virgin Megastore, Times Square

No More Questions at This Time

College chick #1: I think I’m bisexual.
College chick #2: What do you mean, ‘think’?
Older guy behind them: What do you mean, ‘bisexual’?

–Express train

Overheard by: Ari

…Covering ‘Turning Japanese’

Hipster #1: Okay, so I am going to tap out a song on the table, and you are going to guess what it is!
Hipster #2: Okay, go. [As #1 taps] Oh, oh! I know! ‘Hakuna Matata,’ right?
Hipster #1: Um, no! God, you are so racist — just because we’re in a Japanese restaurant, you think it’s gotta be a Japanese song! It was ‘Death Cab for Cutie,’ you fool.

–Nobu, Hudson St

Overheard by: trying not to laugh behind them

I Haven’t Finished Reading the Title

Chick #1: I gotta read this book for class, and I don’t want to.
Chick #2: Oh, I hate that shit. I hate having to read shit I hate.
Chick #1: I know! I don’t want to read it! I don’t get the book, I don’t understand it — it’s stupid!
Chick #2: What book you gotta read?
Chick #1: I don’t know, it’s called, like, Increasin’ Your Brain Power or something.

–E train

Overheard by: August Galifi

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