Guy #1: So we went to a baptism yesterday.
Guy #2: Wait, you’re Catholic. Not Baptism. I’m Baptism.
Guy #1: You’re Baptist.
–Times Square
Guy #1: So we went to a baptism yesterday.
Guy #2: Wait, you’re Catholic. Not Baptism. I’m Baptism.
Guy #1: You’re Baptist.
–Times Square
Guy: Excuse me, miss. Excuse me. Excuse me! Woman, move!
Girl: Dude, I’m not a tourist.
Guy: Oh. Sorry.
–59th St & Lex
Frat boy: So are you gonna come out drinking tonight?
College girl: Uh no, I haven’t been feeling so well, I’m allergic to rain I think.
Frat boy: Ummm, it’s not raining.
College girl: Yeah, it must have been earlier or something.
–17th & 3rd
Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O
Runners-Up:
· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno
Girl #1: Wow, you got your nose pierced!
Girl #2: Yeah, I got it yesterday
Girl #1: How did they do it? Gun or needle?
Girl #2: Gun.
Girl #1: Ah ok, how do they fit a gun up there?
–McDonalds
Overheard by: Ness
Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?
–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Cleo
Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Keesha Brown
Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.
–68th & Lex
Overheard by: Casti
Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.
–Chinatown bus
Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.
–Queensboro Community College
Overheard by: LizDayglow
Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.
–71st & West End
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy #1: You should say excuse me!
Guy #2: I did say excuse me!
Guy #1: Oh…
Guy #2: What I should have said is ‘Don’t stand in front of the fucking doors!"
–Uptown 4 Train
Hipster boy: It’s so weird. It’s like, one day my girlfriend will be in a good mood, and the next day, bad mood. I don’t get it!
–Broadway & Cedar
Customer You Greek?
Waitress: Greek Orthodox.
Customer: So you’re Greek.
Waitress: No, that’s my religion, they call it Greek Orthodox.
Customer: But you’re from Greece, right?
Waitress: No, Belarus.
Customer: Russia?
Waitress: Belarus. It’s the former USSR. It’s between Russia and Poland.
Customer: I never heard of it. It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s not small.
Customer: It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s the size of France. France is quite big, actually.
Customer: I better look at a map.
Waitress: Yeah, you’d better.
–Diner, Park Slope
