Guy #1: Nigga, where you goin’?
Guy #2: To the middle of the train. I wanna be in the middle.
Guy #1: But we’re standing in the middle motherfucka.
Guy #2: No, the middle is at the end.
–23rd Street F/V station
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
Guy #1: Nigga, where you goin’?
Guy #2: To the middle of the train. I wanna be in the middle.
Guy #1: But we’re standing in the middle motherfucka.
Guy #2: No, the middle is at the end.
–23rd Street F/V station
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
Suit: Hi, what’s your vegetable special today?
Waitress: Ehm, let me check…Macaroni and cheese.
Suit: No, your vegetable.
Waitress: …Macaroni and cheese.
–Applebees, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Hot Child in the City
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Girl: I think my mom’s a virgin.
–4 train
Overheard by: DRock
Guy: Yeah, can I get a poppy seed bagel to go?
Counter guy: You want anything on that?
Guy: Uh…poppy seeds.
–Deli, 22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Kristen
Woman: Last month I thought I was in love with you. Now I realize I’m stupid.
Man: Stupid in love?
Woman: No. Just stupid.
–Union Square
Girl: Hey, where’s my bag? Why hasn’t my bag come through the machine? My other one did; did you have to rescan it or something?
TSA guy: Oh, don’t worry. that’s because we’re keeping it in a 350 degree oven to get it warm and fluffy and then we’re going to toast it to a nice golden brown.
Girl: What?
–JFK
Overheard by: bre
Girl #1: I mean, she wears an external catheter at her desk!
Girl #2: We should start wearing external catheters, too, since she doesn’t give us bathroom breaks.
Girl #1: And tell her when we’re going to the bathroom.
–L train
Overheard by: Stephanie
Guy #1: What, you got a problem with me cursing?
Guy #2: Nah, nah, it’s just that, you know, sayin’ “holy fuck” is like talkin ’bout Jesus’s mom fuckin’ his dad and it’s not cool to talk about Jesus’s mom fuckin’ people.
Guy #1: Dumbass, Jesus’s mom didn’t fuck anyone. She was a fuckin’ virgin. How do I know this and you don’t? You’re the Christian.
Guy #2: What are you talkin’ ’bout? How could Jesus have been born if his mom hadn’t screwed his dad? Wait, who was Jesus’s dad again?
Guy #1: Dude, are you serious?
–F train
Drunk guy: Well, here we are.
Drunk girl: This isn’t my station.
Drunk guy: I was following you!
Drunk girl: Well, there’s a reason I asked you to walk me to the subway.
Drunk guy: Wow, the blind leading the blind.
Drunk girl: More like the oblivious leading the retarded.
–Broadway-Nassau Street station
