Cashier girl: You have more than 10 items.
White man: Who are you? Are you the items police?
Cashier girl: You’re only allowed to have 10 items.
White man: Fine, but I have two of the same items, so does that count as one item or two?
Cashier girl: I have to call the manager.
–D’Agostino, 76th & Lexington
Overheard by: Andrew Saint John Goodwin
Guy #1: All I remember is walking into your room and everyone was smoking opium and sitting on the bed that was two feet from the ceiling.
Guy #2: Yeah, and remember Mr. Millard?
Guy #1: Yeah, remember when he died?
Guy #2: Oh my god, yeah, I was so happy, that fucker!
–L train
Overheard by: Mary C.
Guy #1: You know what we need? A nice breeze.
Guy #2: What the fuck are you talking about? It’s cold as balls.
Guy #1: I was being ironic.
Guy #2: That’s not ironic. Ironic is like…shit, I don’t know. Like that song.
Guy #1: Naw, man. That’s what people think, but ironic is when you say some shit but you mean some other shit.
Guy #2: Motherfucker, that’s facetious.
Guy #1: Yeah…Then what’s ironic?
Guy #2: How the fuck should I know? You the nigga with the GED.
–49th & 7th
Hipster girl: I still don’t understand why they say “word.”
Hipster guy: Well, I think it’s because they don’t know what word to use. Like, they get so excited they can’t say anything else.
Hipster girl: Why don’t they just say like, “Wow, that’s awesome” or something?
Hipster guy: That just makes you sound like an idiot.
–G train
Overheard by: Justin Fitzgerald
Guy on cell: I don’t think it’s time yet to do the professional intervention thing. I mean if she drops down below 90, then maybe it’s time. But I’d like to her get down to 95, then she would be hot. As long as she doesn’t lose those 5 in her tits. Shit, she has nice tits.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.
–F train
Chick: Every time Todd talks to a girl he thinks he’s on a date.
–9th Street between 1st & 2nd
Teen boy: You know where I wanna go? The Marriott. Have you heard of it? It’s in New Jersey.
Teen girl: Oh yeah, you know where I wanna go? The Poconos.
Teen boy: What’s that?
Teen girl: I don’t know, a hotel?
–Health Opportunities High School, South Bronx
Woman #1: So she told me, “I think Simon de Beauvoir was so brave for a man, to write like that.” Can you believe it?
Woman #2: Oh my god.
Woman #1: How can she get a PhD without knowing who Simone de Beauvoir was?
–NYSC, Madison & 36th
Overheard by: J-Ho
Guy: What do you like, then? What do you like?
Girl: Progressive rock.
Guy: “Progressive”? Meaning…to change with the times?
Girl: Yes, I guess as opposed to conservative rock.
Guy: There is a conservative rock?
–Barnard College elevator
Overheard by: tiddlypomtiddlypom
