Fanboy #1: Man, I hope we have time to get drinks at the bar. And a smoke, I could use a smoke.
Fanboy #2: This is crazy. A line for the men’s room — I can’t believe all the urinals are taken. Man, I gotta piss. Say, do you want to share one?
Fanboy #1, horrified: A urinal?!
Fanboy #2, quickly: No! A drink!
–New World Stages
Hispanic teen #1: Yo, man, I was with this girl last night, and she was dressed all naked and shit, man.
Hispanic teen #2: Word? She was dressed all naked?
Hispanic teen #1: [Nods.]Hispanic teen #3: Word?
–Houston & Washington
Guy: I’ll buy M&Ms.
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: So, what year are you in school, bro?
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: Do you like school? Are you doing well?
Kid selling candy: [Silence.]Guy: Well, when I was your age, I didn’t like school either, but just hang in there. Look at me — I worked hard and got to play college football.
Kid selling candy: Do you want the M&Ms?
–Sheep Meadow
Ghetto girl #1: Girl, was he there when you got shot in the ass?
Ghetto girl #2: No!
Ghetto girl #1: Well, was he there when you got shot in the leg?
Ghetto girl #2: No.
–28th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Wasn’t there either
Drunk boyfriend: Yo! Stop hittin’ me! What’s your problem?!
Drunk girlfriend: Shut up, haha. I’ll slap you if I want to.
Drunk boyfriend: Stop! Or I’m gonna rape you.
Drunk girlfriend: Ohhh, I dare you…
–A train
Queer #1: He wasn’t that bad!
Queer #2: Honey, he was a T-R-O-double-L troll, okay?! An under the bridge-living, billy goat-eating mon-stuh!
Queer #1: Hahahahaha!
Queer #3: That was pretty harsh.
Queer #2: You’re new here. I can tell.
–Outside Splash Bar, 17th St
Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!
–JFK
Overheard by: K to tha B
Three policemen are talking to a man inside Two Boots Pizza behind the security gate and locked front door, 9 am Sunday morning.
Cop: How did you get in here?
Man: I woke up here in the middle of the night!
Cop: Do you work here?
Man: No!
–Avenue A
Queer #1: Diversity is the spice of life. If everyone was like us, it would be so masturbating and boring–
Queer #2: Like us? Are you kidding? It would be fantastic!
–112th & Broadway
Guy #1: He took it; it’ll both depict us.
Guy #2: I don’t want to be both depicted. I want my own shit.
–East 3rd @ Ave A
Overheard by: Kira
