Talking/Convos

Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….

Headline by: bri b

Runners-Up:

· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee

· “Out of her penis.” – Kate

· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr

· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.

–9th St, between Ave A & B

Overheard by: rpk

Coworker chick #1: You ready, spaghetti?
Coworker chick #2: [Silence.]Coworker chick #1: Well?!
Coworker chick #2: Wait, I’m thinking.
Coworker chick #1: Oh, okay.
Coworker chick #2: Like Lawrence Ferlinghetti!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Old man #1: You gotta watch out for those southerners. Don’t think they’re stupid just because they talk slow.
Old man #2: Yeah, they just talk that way to get you off your guard.

–Health & Racket Club locker room, 45th & Lex

Little boy: You want me!
Little girl: You wish!
Little boy: You want me. You love me!
Little girl: Quit lyin’ to yo’self!
Little boy: You want me! But you can’t have me… Bitch!

–W 134th & Adam Clayton Powell Jr Blvd

Overheard by: vegannramember

Guy: These shoes are so comfortable I can walk in them!
Girl: That could quite possibly be the dumbest shit you have ever said.

–Neptune Ave & Ocean Pkwy

Overheard by: i am that guy

Chick: Oh my god, Ali. You totally motorboated me at the bar last night!
Ali: And then you showed your tits to everyone, you whore.
Chick: Yeah, but I got a free shot.
Ali: And I do enjoy seeing your tits…
Ali’s boyfriend: Is it weird that you like her tits more than me?

–Metro North out of Fordham

Chick #1: I should go to sleep earlier. I want to, but for some reason I just can’t.
Chick #2, reading: Uh-huh.
Chick #1: I should also kill my roommate. I desperately want to, but I don’t think prison would agree with me. I don’t want to be someone’s bitch.
Chick #2, still reading: Uh-huh.
Chick #1: Are you even listening to me?
Chick #2, exasperated: What the hell do you want?!

–NYU

Seven-year-old girl: What’s your name?
20-something: Uhhh, Katey. What’s yours?
Seven-year-old girl: Liz.
20-something: Okay, how old are you, Liz?
Seven-year-old girl: Seven. How old are you?
20-something: 22.
Seven-year-old girl: You’re old enough to be pregnant!
20-something: … But I’m not!

–M104 bus

Guy #1, about babe passerby: Oooh, hey girl. Excuse me, miss? Miss! [Girl turns around.] Hello. How are you today? [Girl leaves.] Man, not even a hello! What the hell is wrong with women today?
Guy #2: I can’t believe you thought she’d actually talk to you.
Guy #1: Why? I’m good looking.
Guy #2: Dude, you’re wearing Tevas. Shut the fuck up.

–69th & Columbus