Talking/Convos

Unfortunately, the Crime Scene Had Already Been Thoroughly Dusted

Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed!

–Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx

Overheard by: Big Larry

Not a Good One, Though

Brooklyn guy: Cute kid you got there. How old is he?
Short-haired mom: She is 20 months.
Brooklyn guy: Oh, ‘she.’ Sorry, I didn’t realize…
Short-haired mom: That’s because gender is performance.
Brooklyn guy: [Sips coffee.]

–Vox Pop, Cortelyou Rd

Overheard by: the nearby barista

Some Telemarketers Will Try Anything

Crazy guy: Have you ever sniffed some good ass?
Suit: Huh?
Crazy guy: Have you ever smelled some really good asshole?
Suit: I would say… yes, I have. But I don’t really want to discuss it with you, okay?

–E 42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Big Larry

Headline by: space coyote

Runners-Up:

· “It’s Between Me and My Mother” – King of the Jews

· “It’s really more a question of taste…” – Rusty

· “Not now, Dad.” – again.

· “Wall Street’s Don’t Sniff and Tell policy” – Ceetar

· “What Happens at an HMO-covered Therapy Session” – Barry Negrin


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

You Can Come to the Front If I Can Pick the Kids

Ragged old black guy with wad of cash in hand, teasing: You gonna let me cut the line, right?
Clerk: Please get on the end of the line.
Ragged old black guy: I’ma buy me that 250-dollar Blue Label up there. You gonna let me get on the front of this line, right?
Clerk: [Ignores him.]Ragged old black guy: 250 dollars for Blue Label for me to get drunk and run over some kids!

–Liquor store, 23rd & Park

Overheard by: Baby G

This Conversation Suggests That the Answer Is ‘No’

Dude #1: Do you think retards know they’re retarded?
Dude #2: Yeah. I’m sure they’re all like, ‘This sucks. I’m retarded.’

–East Village

From Sodom to SoHo

Man #1: I have a book coming out this year, so I’m looking forward to that.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? What’s it about?
Man #1: It’s an oral history of anal sex.
Man #2: [Silence.]Man #1: It was a lot of hard work, but it was a real labor of love.

–Locker room, McBurney YMCA, 14th St & 6th Ave

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:

· “”Annals of Anal”” – Janet E.

· “But the Title is a Mouthful” – Meredith

· “It’s called ‘Talking Out of Your Ass'” – Chris Polubinski

· “Love’s Labours Lubed” – CJC

· “Rim & Punishment” – Fru

· “The Mangina Monologues” – bowloftoast


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I Wanted the Doctor to Like Me

20-ish guy: Your glasses can’t be bad, you just got them!
20-ish girl: Yeah, but I cheated on the eye exam, so it’s really my own fault…
20-ish guy: … That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
20-ish girl: I can’t help it, I’m very competitive!

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl

I Said Later… Wait, What?

Teen boy: Mom, is it true that some people are both a man and a woman?
Mom: Yes. Well, sort of. Can we talk about this when we get home?
Teen boy: So does that mean they have, like, both–
Mom: –Yes, honey, now be quiet for a little while, okay?
Teen boy: Does that mean they can, like, do the slinky?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

I Got So Caught Up in the Troop Surge, I Lost Perspective

NYU guy: Wait, so was it cocaine? It was cocaine, right?
Random girl at another table: Are you guys talking about Anna Nicole?
NYU guy: Yes! I missed the press conference! I feel, like, so irresponsible for not keeping up.

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Travis Learns He’s Not Attractive Enough to Talk to Beautiful Strangers

Preppy guy waiting for walk signal: Hi there.
Hot girl: Um, do I know you?
Preppy guy: No, I was just being friendly…
Hot girl: Oh, yeah? Well then why don’t you say hi to her, too? [Points to fat chick nearby.]Preppy guy, to himself: God, I hate New Yorkers…

–Central Park

Overheard by: well I LOVE New Yorkers

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