A cashier hands a girl her change.
Girl: Excuse me, but can you give me another 20 dollar bill? This one looks counterfeit.
The cashier takes the bill, examines it, and puts it back in the register. He gives her another bill.
Girl: Thanks. I just didn’t want that one, you know? It didn’t have the stripe down it. It looked too new. It just didn’t look right. So don’t give it to me; just give it to the guy behind me or something.
–Bagel Maven, 7th Avenue
12 year old chick: You see? I told you! This is how the grown-ups dress.
–East Village
Bimbo: So are you ever going to move back to Europe?
Eurotrash: I was thinking about that a couple of times when I was really, really depressed in LA. American culture is such a product of the country.
–Soho
Yuppie #1: I only went to Brazil for a month, but on my third day there I met her.
Yuppie #2: Women in South America are so hot. Especially Brazil and Spain.
–Belgian Beer Bar, Greenwich Village
Club Promoter: Do you guys like comedy shows?
Chicks: No!
Club Promoter: That wasn’t funny.
–34th & 7th
Man: 40 is the new 30; my teacher said that. She said 12 is the new 11. But she used to say 11 was the new 10.
–St. Mark’s Place
Girl: Later at night, my tongue gets sore because I’ve been playing with it so much.
–St. Mark’s Place
Guy: I’ve been to Germany twice because I have a friend who’s from there. I went to Oktoberfest, but it was in June.
Hans: They had Oktoberfest in June? It must have been just for you…American tourists.
–25th St. & 3rd Ave.
Hip Hop Guy on cell: I’ll just keep my nuts shaved and everything’ll be fine.
–Varick Street
Coffee guy on phone: I’m not talking about whacking off, I’m talking about fried chicken!
–Alt.coffee, Avenue A
Overheard by: Dibson Hoffweiler
Youth #1: Man, I’m just jokin’.
Youth #2: Yeah, but every joke has some truth in it.
Youth #1: Where’d you hear that? Who said it?
Youth #2: I don’t know… Confucius.
Youth #1: Confucius didn’t say that! Confucius didn’t make jokes! He was a serious dude!
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: jb
