Dude #1: I wish I could just retire and do whatever I wanted. I’d go to Yale Law School.
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, man. I’d move to the Caribbean and bartend.
–New Haven Line
Overheard by: I can see why they’re such good friends
Dude #1: I wish I could just retire and do whatever I wanted. I’d go to Yale Law School.
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, man. I’d move to the Caribbean and bartend.
–New Haven Line
Overheard by: I can see why they’re such good friends
Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the ‘Fasten seatbelt’ sign… That includes all passengers in row nine… That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo… Yes, thank you, and have a great day.
–JFK
Pilot: Welcome to JetBlue flight 703 to San Juan… I’m from South Carolina. We do something special there — we let our kids drive at the age of fifteen. I’ve got a 15-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter, so if you’re thinking of driving to Florida, do me a favor and fly JetBlue — it’s safer than driving through South Carolina, and my car insurance for my daughter last year was 15 hundred dollars, and now I have to add my son, so I really need this job to afford it.
–JFK
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Flight attendant: … And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Sheffler
Flight attendant: … And be sure that you lock your tray tables and place your seat backs in their least comfortable position for takeoff.
–JFK
Overheard by: Ardbeg78
Pilot: Well, folks, I’m sorry about the delay, but, uh, airplanes are complicated machines, you know? And sometimes they break.
–United flight, JFK
Overheard by: clueless about electronics
Big, jolly black woman about to be frisked at security: You have yo’self a good time!
–JFK
Overheard by: Nancy L.
Ghetto chick #1 in crowd: Where you going?
Ghetto chick #2: To get me some dick.
–Utopia Pkwy & Horace Harding Expwy
Overheard by: Audra
Woman #1: Yeah, we went to the hot springs there. They were so nice.
Woman #2: They had those in Hostel 2 and the girl died.
Woman #1: Oh… Well, that didn’t happen to us.
–Union Square
Conductor: This is the 2:40 local train to Babylon. For those of you who have not passed out, this train makes all local stops. For those of you who have passed out… I’ll see you in Babylon…
–LIRR train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: Bill Reese
Conductor: The next stop is Harlem, 125th. Then we’re off to Grand Central Terminal. Write it down, you passengers, write it down.
–Metro-North
Sarcastic, monotone conductor: This is a D train to Manhattan… apparently. [Later] Woo-hoo. Finally, 36th Street.
–D train
Overheard by: i don’t like that dude
Conductor: This is Carroll Street. If you transfer to the uptown F or G train here, there are less stairs, but there is a nice breeze at Smith and Ninth Street.
–F train
Overheard by: Eileen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held here because the drawbridge is in the open position, and I don’t think I know how to swim.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: mark
Conductor: This train goes straight to Newark-Penn Station. Newark, the pride of the Passaic river!
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Overheard by: Care
Conductor: For those of you that are interested, Penn Station is next. For those that aren’t, it still is.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Student: … And in Soviet Russia, penis sucks you.
–Stuyvesant High
Conductor: This is Prospect Park. Next stop: Cambodia. Cambodia is next.
–Q train
Overheard by: Lucas Krech
Dude on cell: Oh, I forgot to tell you — I was deported from Italy!
–JFK
History teacher: I’ve never been to Guatemala. Every time I try to go they have a revolution.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: The nerve of those guys
Crazy guy ascending escalator, arms outstretched: Welcome to the United Nations!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Lizzy Fo Shizzy
Amateur foreign relations expert: You see, the Hutus and Tutsis in Rwanda — there’s a massacre I can respect.
–2 train, Chambers St
Overheard by: pumpkin
Creepy-laugh-guy: Hahaha. Well… I’d have to take you out of the country to do that.
–W 3rd & LaGuardia
Traveling stud: I met this girl while I was vacationing with my wife and kids, so I took her back to my room.
Friend: Why didn’t you go to her room?
Traveling stud: She was traveling with her parents.
Friend: That’s so awesome!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Erin
Blonde: Because, you know, we travel so well together.
Brunette: Yeah, and this time I won’t be having anxiety attacks.
Blonde: And this time I won’t be trying to sleep with you.
–Kodama Sushi
Asian chick: I’m just so sick of failing in general.
–NYU Bobst Library
Overheard by: jason
NYU girl to friends: Well, he’s not always drunk. Sometimes he’s high.
–Prince & Mercer
NYU chick: I found out I didn’t have AIDS… I went to Whole Foods… It was a good day.
–27th & Park
Overheard by: It was a good day
NYU bimbette: All popular people have herpes. Just look at them!
–NYU
NYU chick: Yeah, we almost broke up like four or five times, so I think that’s indicative that we’re happy together.
–Bowery & Canal
NYU girl on cell: I don’t know what to do about going abroad. My parents want me to go to London, but I looked at my Tarot cards and they’re telling me Dublin. What should I do?
–721 Broadway
Overheard by: Tyler
Queer student: I don’t really have a problem with incest, but in my family there aren’t many lookers.
–NYU Silver Center
Rich girl #1: Do you remember that time in Saratoga when I thought you were dead?
Rich girl #2: Yeah, but I wasn’t.
–Ladies’ room, Mall
Overheard by: Wishing She Had Been
