Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

Posted on November 11, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fears, Ghetto Chicks, Grocery Stores, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Southerners, Sports, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

Then Who’ll Finish Teaching You to Write Your Initials?

Teen #1, peeing against side of building: Oh, shit. Now everyone’s getting out of the concert. Can anyone see me?
Teen #2: Come on, man, don’t be shy. Everyone wants to meet you. You’re practically a celeb.
Teen #1, still peeing: I’m so not going to be your friend sophomore year.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: Concertgoer

Posted on October 30, 2021
Default, Education, Friendship, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village

I’m Thankful for My Friends

Girl #1: Is your sweater cashmere?
Girl #2: Yeah. Well, cashmere blend.
Girl #1: Blend? That doesn’t count. God, you’re such a bitch.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

Posted on October 30, 2021
Biotechs, Clothing, Fashionistas, Union Square and East Village

A Two-Fister to the End

Guy: They have Bob Marley’s last burrito — just like the other place we went to.
Girl: Didn’t he only have one last burrito?

–Burritoville, East Village

Posted on October 28, 2021
About Celebrities, Death, Food, Manhattan, Pop Culture, Union Square and East Village

Fully Automatic Water-Cooled Assault Wednesday One-Liners

Four-year-old boy: I have gun! Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun!

–Gate, Newark Airport

Overheard by: minkey

Man on phone: Yo! The last time I saw that nigga I shot at that nigga!

–43rd & 7th

Overheard by: Alex

Guy with facial piercings: My mom’s such a bitch. She’s like, ‘I don’t want any guns or drugs in the house!’ and I was like, ‘Fuck you, Mom!’

–Penn Station

Woman on cell: Kings County is the best hospital to go to if you get shot in New York.

–14th & Union Square

Overheard by: Mole

Thug kid to thug friends: I don’t do shootings. And besides, this is my stop.

–7 train, Queens

Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair

Posted on October 18, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Penn Station, Shoot, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.

–1 Train

Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Oliver

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thompson

Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!

–Union Square

Posted on October 17, 2021
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Couples, Crazies, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Sex, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Village, Thievery, Times Square, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Cause If I Don’t Make Quota This Month, the Yakuza Will Have My Thumbs

Overeager sales associate: Welcome to American Eagle! Can I help you find anything?
Guy: No thanks, just looking.
Overeager sales associate: Hey, you know what would really look good on you?
Guy: What?
Overeager sales associate: Jeans!
Guy: Uh… I guess I like jeans.
Overeager sales associate: That’s music to my ears!

–American Eagle, Union Square

Overheard by: doubeldee

Posted on October 15, 2021
Clerks, Fashion, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Union Square and East Village

The American Electorate, in a Nutshell

NYU boy: What are you guys doing tonight?
NYU girl: We might be going to a frat party in Queens.
NYU boy: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
NYU girl: You wanna go?
NYU boy: Yeah, sure.

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Posted on October 6, 2021
Celebrations/Parties, Frat Boys, Offers and requests, Sorority Girls, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

You Can’t Live in the City If You Can’t Screen out Distractions

Guy: So, where were you this evening?
Sober girl #1: I was in Little Italy.
Drunk guy: Shoes! Go on YouTube and search for ‘shoes’!
Sober girl #1: Oh my god! I’ve seen that video! ‘These shoes cost…’
Drunk guy and sober girl #2: ‘Three hundred dollars‘!
Drunk girl: You two are hot. You should fuck her in the ass.
Guy: So, where were you this evening?
Sober girl #1: I was in Little Italy.

–4th Ave & 11th St

Posted on September 28, 2021
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Internet, Union Square and East Village

Union Square and East Village