Man: I just like to smoke crack, get naked and fuck young boys. Is that wrong?
Woman: That is very wrong.
–East Village
Man: I just like to smoke crack, get naked and fuck young boys. Is that wrong?
Woman: That is very wrong.
–East Village
Drunk girl: Do you skateboard?
Random guy: Yeah.
Drunk girl: Do you own a skateboard?
Random guy: Yeah.
Drunk girl: Do you wanna have sex on your skateboard?
–4th & Ave C
Overheard by: Shani
Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Chloe
Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: bildita
Guy: …and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.
–Metropolitian Musuem of Art
Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers
Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I’m getting sick of it.
–14th St & 1st Av
Overheard by: Larry
Thug: I’m like super pimp. I pimp men and women… And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.
–10th & Broadway
Composed chick on cell: He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.
–Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery
Guy: I want to put a flat screen in my bathroom.
Girl: Interesting…
Guy: Maybe I would actually take baths if I had something else to watch other than my penis floating.
–Houston & Norfolk
Overheard by: David Byrne
Thug: God, is there anything wrong with you? Do you have horns?
Chick: No.
Thug: A third arm?
Chick: Nope.
Thug: Have you ever been in jail?
Chick: Nope.
Thug: Well, you know, I’ve been in jail…
Chick: Um…
–3rd between 13th & 14th
Overheard by: Elizabeth Wiederseim
Dude: Hey, watch it! Hey!
Old guy: What?
Dude: That’s very rude.
Old guy: I said “excuse me”.
Dude: Well I didn’t hear it.
Old guy: Well maybe you should listen next time.
Dude: Well maybe you should kiss my ass, fag.
Old guy: Fuck off and die.
–Borders men’s room, 32nd & 2nd
Dude #1: So where's the union?
Dude #2: Union?
Dude #1: This is Union Square, right?
–Union Square
Overheard by: P. Mills
Dude: Hey, these papers are free, right?
Checkout Guy: No, they’re 50 cents.
Dude: But it’s Saturday.
Checkout Guy: Right. And it’s still 50 cents.
Dude: Aw, c’mon man! The Pope is dying!
–Food Emporium, 12th & 6th
Overheard by: MLR
Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!
–Brooklyn
Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.
–74th St & Park Ave
Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!
–Union Square
Overheard by: rpk
Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."
–St. John’s University, Queens
NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angie
Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"
–89th St & 5th Ave
Young NYU girl #1: That was the closest thing to getting stoned I've ever done without actually smoking pot.
Young NYU girl #2: Yeah, totes.
–Union Square
