Little boy to his mother: Mommy, remember the last time you made a mistake?
–Manhattan-bound A train
Boy with ice cream: Does the five-second rule apply to sidewalks?
–92nd & Madison
Little boy to duck: Uh, what the fuck, dude?
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: robin b
Mother: What did you say? He’s a professor of cold-cut studies?
Daughter: No, mom! He’s a professor of Holocaust studies!
–74th & 3rd
Jewish girl to black friend: I want a black boyfriend…what if I turned really ghetto? What if I start to wear baby phat? I’ll be like, this is what Kamal likes. Ohmygod, what if he has his own made-up name? I’ll be like, oh Styx just called me.
–98th & Madison
Overheard by: nathalie
Little boy getting out of car, looking down at curb: There’s no rats here, Dad. You can go now, there’s no rats.
Dad: Son, get yo’ lunch bag.
–95th between 3rd & Lex
Girl: [chuckling] You know what’s funny? We always manage to notice how much other people stink but we could never gauge how bad we smell.
Guy: Heh. That’s so true!… Wait, you said that just to tell me how bad I smell.
Girl: Yeah.
–94th & Park
Overheard by: hunter 05
Girl #1: So he was at my house and we were like, fooling around on my bed, and I was lying on top of him, but then I made him get up.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because if he got turned on, got hard, came, his zipper fell down a little and some come got on my pants and while I was taking off my pants it brushed my underwear and then went inside me, I could totally get pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Samantha Thomas
Asian guy: Teddy Roosevelt, there was a man. Out of the days when men could club women over the head and drag them off.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: What I’m saying is — my thesis is — the position I’m taking is — the argument I’m making is — there’s never been a successful matriarchal society.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: Byron “The Whizzer” White! He was a man. He could do it all. Feminism is bullshit. That’s what I love about you. I can’t talk like this around most girls.
Asian chick: Hmm.
–Tony’s Di Napoli, 84th & 2nd
Deli guy: You can’t have that dog in here.
Lady: But he’s a service dog!
Deli guy: What? We’ll get a ticket if you have a dog in here.
Lady: He’s a service dog. He’s just like a seeing eye dog.
Deli guy: What is he, a chihuahua? A poodle? He’s not a seeing eye dog.
Lady: He’s a Pomeranian! And he’s a service dog! He even has a little vest, do you need me to put him in his little vest?
Deli guy: He look like a rat with a wig on.
Lady: He’s a service dog! You can’t make me leave! He’s just like a seeing eye dog!
Deli guy: But you’re not blind!
Lady: I could sue you if you make me leave! I’ll put him in his little vest, then you’ll see!
–Bagel Mill, 88th & Lex
Overheard by: Loretta P.
Girl: How much is the water?
Newstand guy: $1.25. Do you want a bag?
Girl: No thanks.
Newstand guy: What about a straw?
Girl: No.
Newstand guy: How about me?
–E 68th & 3rd ave
Weiner dog: Woof woof.
Hobo: That isn’t fucking funny! Piece of shit, fucking hors d’oeuvres on wheels!
–Lex between 86 & 87
