Girl: [chuckling] You know what’s funny? We always manage to notice how much other people stink but we could never gauge how bad we smell.
Guy: Heh. That’s so true!… Wait, you said that just to tell me how bad I smell.
Girl: Yeah.
–94th & Park
Overheard by: hunter 05
Girl #1: So he was at my house and we were like, fooling around on my bed, and I was lying on top of him, but then I made him get up.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because if he got turned on, got hard, came, his zipper fell down a little and some come got on my pants and while I was taking off my pants it brushed my underwear and then went inside me, I could totally get pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Samantha Thomas
Asian guy: Teddy Roosevelt, there was a man. Out of the days when men could club women over the head and drag them off.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: What I’m saying is — my thesis is — the position I’m taking is — the argument I’m making is — there’s never been a successful matriarchal society.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: Byron “The Whizzer” White! He was a man. He could do it all. Feminism is bullshit. That’s what I love about you. I can’t talk like this around most girls.
Asian chick: Hmm.
–Tony’s Di Napoli, 84th & 2nd
Deli guy: You can’t have that dog in here.
Lady: But he’s a service dog!
Deli guy: What? We’ll get a ticket if you have a dog in here.
Lady: He’s a service dog. He’s just like a seeing eye dog.
Deli guy: What is he, a chihuahua? A poodle? He’s not a seeing eye dog.
Lady: He’s a Pomeranian! And he’s a service dog! He even has a little vest, do you need me to put him in his little vest?
Deli guy: He look like a rat with a wig on.
Lady: He’s a service dog! You can’t make me leave! He’s just like a seeing eye dog!
Deli guy: But you’re not blind!
Lady: I could sue you if you make me leave! I’ll put him in his little vest, then you’ll see!
–Bagel Mill, 88th & Lex
Overheard by: Loretta P.
Girl: How much is the water?
Newstand guy: $1.25. Do you want a bag?
Girl: No thanks.
Newstand guy: What about a straw?
Girl: No.
Newstand guy: How about me?
–E 68th & 3rd ave
Weiner dog: Woof woof.
Hobo: That isn’t fucking funny! Piece of shit, fucking hors d’oeuvres on wheels!
–Lex between 86 & 87
Urinal user: Hey!
Stall user: Yeah?
Urinal user: You doing number one in there?
Stall user: Um . . . yeah.
Urinal user: Good! Because if you’re talking when you’re doing number two it don’t come out right.
–87th & 1st
Toddler girl #1: Is your camel dead yet?
Toddler girl #2: No. Not yet. Is yours?
–John Jay Park
Girl on cell: … a roma tomato, lime… I mean lemon, either one… omigosh, this is the wrong number! [hangs up]
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl #1: Oh no, he didn’t! He just texted me in caps!
Girl #2: Oh whatever, remember when you you used to caps everyone?
Girl #1: That was before I knew how to change out of caps lock.
–86th & 2nd
