Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Infernal Wednesday One-Liners

Protestant street preacher with mic: You’re going down the Broadway to Hell.

–42nd & 8th

Subway preacher: When you buy a tree and put that in your house, and when you put all the presents under the tree, that’s all for Satan, not for Jesus. One day I was thinking about how the name Santa looks familiar, and I’m thinking to myself, Goddammit… No, wait, sorry. I’m thinking to myself, Santa… No, that’s Satan. You see? They kept the S but they just changed all the rest of the letters around.

–Brooklyn-bound C train

Overheard by: P. Mills

Suit on cell: The only thing is, she’s so innocent. I need someone to curse at me and spit in my face. I need some rough, yelling-at-each-other sex. I’m like Satan and she’s the Virgin Mary.

–Metro-North train, Grand Central

Hardhat: I don’t know if I’m going to heaven; I don’t know if I’m going to hell… All I know is I have to change at Jamaica.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob

Yuppie woman talking to herself: The devil is a liar — a fucking liar!

–Outside Lincoln Plaza Theatre

Overheard by: SLC kid

Teacher: I’m going to burn in Hell for this… Wait! I’m Jewish! I don’t believe in Hell! I’m not going to burn! Yay!

–Hunter College High

Leggo of the Goddamn Wednesday One-Liners!

Conductor: This Eighth Avenue-bound L train is now an express train to Eighth Avenue because a couple of you are idiots who thought holding the doors would get you where you’re going faster. I hope this teaches you all a lesson.

–Union Square

Conductor: Please do not hold the closing doors! [Fifteen seconds later] Fine, hold the doors! I’m already at work!

–4 train

Overheard by: On-Nee-Mall

Indian MTA employee: Please do not hold the doors… [Slightly agitated] Please do not hold the doors! [Very agitated] Are you so stupid! Only someone stupid would hold the doors!

–1 train

Conductor: Do you people realize that there are 30 doors on this train? Must you all do a conga line in front of one of them?! Don’t you need music for that?!

–96th St

Conductor: Stop holding the doors! You hold the doors open and the train doesn’t run smoothly! And this is the only train in the city that works!

–7 train

Overheard by: EthanK

An Exhibition of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman standing in front of a painting by Jackson Pollock: … And he just took the paint and schmootchka’d it all around, and people went, ‘Oooh!’

–The Met

Hippie girl about public art: So… Do, like… all countries have statues?

–New School

Overheard by: old school

Art student: I could never date someone who doesn’t understand expressionism. I would rather die.

–12th & Ave B

Bimbette looking at gigantic marble head: Do you think the men were really this big, or the artist just made it look like that?

–The Met

Overheard by: Jingles

Guy, about his art: I could use a tarp. I like the thingness of the tarp, but I don’t want to overdo it.

–G train

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Woman on cell, joyfully: You’re my new craft project!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Cisi

Wednesday One-Liners Void Where Prohibited

Disgruntled suit on cell: I know how to pee! — Venti decaf frappucino — I’ve been doing it since I was born!

–Starbucks, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: Mistress Silver

Girl to friend: … And then he just started peeing in front of all of us. Everyone else ran away except for me!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd

Overheard by: that’s the whole point of galoshes, right?

Whiny guy: I don’t mind getting into a pissing contest so long as I’ve got my stick!

–Boulevard Tavern, Greepoint

Chick meeting friends: Guys, don’t tell Jim this, but I just peed in between two subway cars on a moving train on the way here.

–Regal cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amazed that this is physically possible

Guy to buddy: I probably got the cleanest fucking urine in that whole building!

–Rector St & Trinity Pl

Overheard by: Benjie

Screaming man on cell: How many times do I have to tell you?! Do not piss on the street! Do not shit on the street! Do you hear me?!

–7th Ave, between 28th & 29th

Wednesday One-Liners after Labor Day? Shocking!

Rich lady: I bought this outfit for myself to make up for my miserable youth.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Zac

Yuppie to toddler sitting on friend’s lap: … And the benefit of wearing Nike clothing is that it’s made by children not much older than you.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ardbeg78

Trendy chick: I can’t go to places like Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters ’cause they study and watch me on camera, ripping off my style.

–Bar, 14th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Karl Karlson

Girl: Trench coats are never a good sign.

–M14D bus, 1st Ave

Overheard by: melanie

Loud queer to friend: Ummm, do you know where I can get some Lycra spandex leopard-print leggings?

–The Village

Overheard by: S

Spicy Szechwan Wednesday-One-Liners

Man: If you wanna have lunch, you’ve got to have lunch here, whether it’s Chinese or Subway.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Aahlixx

Little boy: Does all Chinese food come from Chinatown?

–Williamsburg

Woman: It’s like listening to an Arab speaking Spanish talking about the Chinese.

–W Train

Overheard by: Bluto

Tourist: The Chinese are notorious for blurring the line between pet and soup.

–Chinatown

Queen picking up delivery: Damn, I hate dealing with these Chinese people, they never be understanding English good!

–Fordham dorms, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: I don’t understand you either

Ghetto guy: Sushi is real Chinese food.

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: John Wu

Hipster Chinese girl on cell: Americans have too much freedom. Yes, too much freedom.

–52nd & Madison

Wednesday White-Liners

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.

–The Village

Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…

–LIRR

Overheard by: tanechka

Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.

–Sullivan St, Soho

Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!

–6 train

Overheard by: xan

Wednesday One-liners

Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair.

–Max, Ave. B

Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it!

–28th St. and Park Avenue

Overheard by: G Varod

Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.”

–CPW and 110th St.

Wednesday One-Liners Have I None, but This Man’s Father Is My Father’s Son

40-ish Jewish guy to another: Oh, guess what? My paternity test from the Bahamas came back negative, so that was good news.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1

Guy to girl: Oh, don’t! No! Don’t even think about pulling the ‘My dad committed suicide’ card! Not here, not now. It’s not fair!

–NYU

Hawker: Good morning! AM New York! Good morning! You are the father!

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Bronx Thomas O’Connor

Little girl: Look! Horse poop! Horse poop! My daddy’s allergic to horse poop!

–Central Park

JAP: When he told me what his father did for a living I felt a little pang in the snobby part of my heart.

–86th & Amsterdam

Wednesday One-Liners Think Globally, Act Locally

Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!

–New York Public Library

Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.

–IKEA, Elizabeth

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!

–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd

Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.

–47th & 9th

Overheard by: Jack Lienke

Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?

–49th & 9th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck?

–Starbucks, Grand Central

Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist