Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Boot and Rally

Very young child: Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha…

–35th St & 36th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Michelle M.

Drunk guy: You know, I get very annoyed when I’m really drunk and you’re not.

–W 103rd St

Girl on cell: Are you drunk? Are you drunk? Are you drunk? Are you drunk? Are! You! Drunk!? Are you drunk?…Cause I am!

–Bandshell, Prospect Park

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Guy on cell: Well, you can just watch me drink then!

–33rd & 7th

Smart teen: Wait, you’re gonna use your fake ID to buy alcohol with a credit card? Haha, I’ll just wait outside.

–34th & 7th

Cinephile: I need to get hammered like Mel Gibson tonight!

–70th & Park

Boy genius: That’s one word to describe my brother: drunk and psychotic.

–Montgoris Dining Hall, St. John’s University

Overheard by: Someone who can count

Wednesday One-Liners Send Mixed Signals

Man: But they’ll talk to us! That’s the problem with calling people — they talk to you!

–Union Square Park

Chick: For one thing, this guy sounds totally sick and perverted; and, for another, what’s his number?

–Party, 140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mr. P.

Girl on cell: He was like, ‘Thanks for doing that in a text,’ and I was like, ‘Thanks for saying that in an IM.’

–Park Ave & Union Square North

Collegiate on cell: Dude, why the hell are you calling me? I told you, just use MySpace.

–Park Ave South & 19th St

Queer looking at ringing cell: Shit! [Answers phone in pleasant voice] Hi, Andrew!

–11th St & University

Overheard by: Colleen

Wednesday One-Liners Could Quit if They Wanted to

Guy: Okay, here’s the plan: we paint your van, then you have sex with Susan, then I’ll have sex with…someone else. Then we both smoke a lot of weed…

–1st Ave

Overheard by: chris & daile

Teen boy: Yo, I just stopped smoking weed, cause, like, I heard it was bad for you. So I started smoking cigarettes again.

–G train

Queer on cell, taking deep drags of cigarette: No, I’m not! I told you I quit. [Exhales] Umm, that was just me blowing my bangs out of my eyes.

–Outside Bally Fitness, 50th St

Smoker: I read somewhere that if you quit smoking by the time you are middle aged your body can still recover, and I thought, “Great I still have a couple more years to quit.” Then I read what they define “middle aged” as. I’m fucked!

–Upper East Side gallery

Wednesday One-Liners Invest in the Biotech Industry

Five-year-old girl to friend: Listen, Julia, this is probably going to sound really bitchy, but shove it.

–FAO Schwartz

40-ish man on cell: I bought this bitch sneakers and Tims, and I ain’t even seen no pussy!

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Mary D

Old man: That’s when I knew that bitch was the bitch for me.

–84th & 1st

Overheard by: Mikey

Pretentious professor with ponytail: Bitch could convey everything with an ellipsis…

–69th & Columbus

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Feel Their Fingers

Hobo: Get your snowball here! 20 bucks for a snowball! You won’t find another one of these for miles!

–43rd & Broadway

Trendy young woman: So, I went out to walk the dog this morning and was like, ‘What is this shit falling from the sky? First it was that funky smell from Jersey, now crap falling from the sky.’ Then I realized it was snowing.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Nic

Old lady to cat she’s pushing in stroller: It’s fucking cold out here!

–Stuyvesant Town, 18th & 1st

Overheard by: Caroline

Incredulous drunk guy with large snowball: Man, I wish this was cocaine.

–E 4th & Bowery

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to JFK, New York. The local time is 1:30 in the morning, the weather is… really cold.

–United landing in New York early in the morning

Conductor: You know, the trick to dealing with this weather is mind over matter. If you don’t mind the snow, it doesn’t matter.

–Queens-bound 7 train

Still More Insightful than Ann Coulter

Teenage girl #1: Yo I heard they have, like, a…circle, and they think it’s art.
Teenage girl #2: Shit’s retarded.

–in front of MoMA, W. 53rd Street

Overheard by: David Last

Fat guy: Yeah, this O’Connor thing is really big. Most people don’t know this, but the Supreme Court has the final say over all laws that are passed. I think they approve it before even the President does. Like I said, it’s big.

–Florent, Gansevoort Street

Overheard by: Hampton Catlin

Unidentified, Flying Wednesday One-Liners

Wheelbo: All them stories they tell kids about the stork coming? Naw, man! Babies come here on a big spaceship! There’s a baby factory somewhere in the middle of Nevada!

–Subway platform, 53rd & 5th

Tourist: I saw a black man in a black suit, and I was looking for aliens because it was like Men in Black. It was scary. Black in black…

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station

College girl: I got so worked up I almost threw up in the back seat… ‘Cause I thought there were aliens…

–66th & 3rd

Overheard by: Skyler Fox

Drunk guy: You think you’re an alien? You’re a human being, you fuck!

–Mercer St, between 8th & Waverly Pl

A Gluttonous Gaggle of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster: I found a bag of potatoes the other night, and we were throwing them at razor wire.

–Filene’s Basement

Chick: Everybody needs a pickle. He’s like my pickle.

–31st & 36th, Astoria

Overheard by: Jill

Old baker guy to young baker guy: See — the ones that are burned on the bottom — you know they’re done, so you take them out. If they’re not burned, they aren’t done yet, so you move them to the front of the oven.

–Fairway, 74th & Broadway

Old woman to friend: So then I told her, ‘Fuck you and your lamb curry!’

–3rd & MacDougal

Lady to hubby: Is this sushi not cooked?

–JetBlue terminal, JFK

Lady: He was really upset about tonight. He was all ‘Yogurt! Yogurt night is ruined!’ Shook his fists and everything.

–86th & Lex

Overheard by: KCast

Wednesday One-Liners Express Themselves

Woman running down the stairs: Hold the doors! Oh, God, please hold the doors! Please! [Doors close, train pulls away.] Why? Whyyy?!

–A train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Hobo to man running for the train: You better run faster! That’s the last train in the world!

–W 4th Street A/C/E platform

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Student: Yo mama is so dumb that when she needs to take the 4 train, she takes the 2 train twice!

–Brooklyn Tech High School

Overheard by: Gazoo

Tourist to friends: Ok, so, we’re headed downtown right now, and in a couple stops we’ll transfer to the express.

–A train express, between 34th & 42nd

Tourist woman: Why is it called an express train? All it does is skip stops.

–4 train at Fulton St

Chick to guy: Don’t tell me that bull! Don’t pull that on the A train!

–Manhattan-bound A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chudoc324

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their License

Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!

–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.

–JFK

Overheard by: DFlan

Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?

–27th & 7th

Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Micaela

Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’

–Court & Schermerhorn St

JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!

–NYU

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist