Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Watch Too Much E!

Dad: Son, I gotta ask — do you think George Lucas has your best interests at heart?

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Shona Riddell

Fat eight-year-old boy with lisp: … And that’s why I’m starting a petition to get Don Imus back on the air.

–Times Square

30-something jumping up and down: Oh my god! Leonardo DiCaprio totally just made eye contact with me!

—The Gardener of Eden premier, Tribeca Film Festival

Overheard by: And omigod, I totally just saw his hair!

Hipster: So, this girl came up to us and asked us if we were art fags. Anyway, long story short, I had sex with her in Richard Gere’s rooftop Zen garden.

–Union Square

Pooper on cell: You like Rosie O’Donnell and listen to Madonna — I know what you are… I really do love my wife, and I love your dick, too, but I hate it when it squirts at me.

–Restroom, Radisson Hotel, 32nd St

Overheard by: j

Extradited Wednesday One-Liners

Student: … And in Soviet Russia, penis sucks you.

–Stuyvesant High

Conductor: This is Prospect Park. Next stop: Cambodia. Cambodia is next.

–Q train

Overheard by: Lucas Krech

Dude on cell: Oh, I forgot to tell you — I was deported from Italy!

–JFK

History teacher: I’ve never been to Guatemala. Every time I try to go they have a revolution.

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: The nerve of those guys

Crazy guy ascending escalator, arms outstretched: Welcome to the United Nations!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Lizzy Fo Shizzy

Amateur foreign relations expert: You see, the Hutus and Tutsis in Rwanda — there’s a massacre I can respect.

–2 train, Chambers St

Overheard by: pumpkin

Creepy-laugh-guy: Hahaha. Well… I’d have to take you out of the country to do that.

–W 3rd & LaGuardia

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Creepy Casanova: Want to hear the worst pick up line ever? ‘Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?’

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: LSB

Sassy Goldilocks: Honey, my porridge is juuust right.

–Karma bar

Overheard by: Nunez

Gym rat to gym bunny: Dude, sneezing is, like, the best feeling in the world, and the worst feeling is not sneezing.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Girl with slightly broader perspective on life

Hardhat to jogger chick: Man, I’ll buy you a steak dinner. I’ll even pay for it.

–13th & 3rd

Blonde chick: So, then he was like, ‘What side do you like to take it from, and, ummm, do you have herpes?’

–Kenmare & Lafayette

Girl on cell: Yeah, and so this really tall half-Indian guy in the subway goes to me, ‘I must say, those are beautiful flowers in your hair…’ Which basically means, ‘Those are beautiful tits on your chest,’ but it was still really sweet of him.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Worst nerd-flirt ever: Have you ever had goats’ milk squirted in your eye? I have.

–NYU Health Center

Wednesday One-Liners Long to Be Thought of As “Sexy”

Girl watching Oscars: Oh my god, I love Scorsese! He’s so cute. I just want to have him in my pocket.

–10th & 5th

Seven-year-old girl on cell: Oh my gosh, Carrie! In Macy’s my mom just bought me the cutest Coach bag and matching scarf!

–34th St

Overheard by: georgia

Teen girl: Dude, whatever… Some bums are really cute!

–10th & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oliver

Latino goth muscle-man to girl: I know, but, like, spiritually? Emotionally? I have the cutest, pinkest little vagina [makes triangle formation with fingers over crotch]… And it’s tight.

–F train

Overheard by: meg

Dean of Students’ Services to third year student: You’d make a cute pregnant woman.

–Columbia Law School

Girl: I think having a cunt is cute!

–15th & 6th

Overheard by: Oh my

Wednesday One-Liners Are Like Gay Church

20-ish guy to pal: I didn’t go to the gym today, and I feel so liberated!

–W 25th & 10th

Overheard by: Gerry Visco

Stylish guy on cell: Well, yeah, I’m completely insane, but I’m in great, great, great shape!

–Christopher & 7th

Overheard by: robadob

Russian thug: Man, I don’t know how I’m going to have enough energy for the gym and sex tonight!

–Subway, near Brighton Beach

Overheard by: lk!

Guido pointing to his wifebeater: These things only last you so long. First time, you know, you wear it to the club, it’s still tight and shit. Second time you wear it around the house. Third time, that’s when you wear it to the gym. Then you throw it out! Wear a new one back to the club!

–NYC gym

Personal trainer lady: I was up in Greenwich training Mary Tyler Moore… Yeah, she’s old, but rockin’ bod.

–Metro-North train, 125th St

Overheard by: DrJones

Smoker guy: We should train for the marathon!

–50th & 6th

A Spew of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to girlfriend: I just threw up Captain Crunch for you! I just tossed some Rice Krispies!

–BED club

Overheard by: Vikas

Suit on cell: No, I didn’t say you vomited on your shoes, I said who vomited on your shoes!

–14th & 6th

JAP: Honestly, if I have to hear about one more candlelight vigil for Darfur I might throw up.

–8th & University

Girl to guy: Oh my god, I could totally throw up on you right now.

–Baruch College, 25th & Lex

Angry mom holding small plastic bag under small boy’s mouth: Vomit! Vomit! Vomit! Vomit!

–W 57trh St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Wednesday One-Liners Get the Brushoff

Lady on cell: I’m not high maintenance — I just brush my teeth!

–F train

Overheard by: AmityAmity

Big guy on cell: My son swore to us when he was 15 that he would name his first child Toofbrush. He’s 21 now and I remind him of that every day… Who the hell knows? Every time I searched his room I found enough pot to cure the whole world’s glaucoma.

–JetBlue flight 11

Overheard by: Big Larry

Woman on cell: So, wait… The plastic surgeon had his teeth removed?

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: Grace

Girl on cell: I think I forgot my toothpaste at home. Can you mail it to me tomorrow?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Meg

Woman: In 25 minutes you can bake 24 cupcakes. In that time you can take a shit or brush your teeth.

–Apartment 138, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hmmm… do I still want those cupcakes?

Junkie to stoned girlfriend: Yo, you lucky I know somethin’ ’bout teeth or else you woulda ain’t had no teeth left. I woulda put a shot in yo’ mouth, I woulda took out all yo’ teeth, and put a box in yo’ mouth.

–1 train

Overheard by: Lauren Marks

All Wednesday One-Liners and No Action

Dude to woman: You can’t talk about the second dimension, but you can talk about sewing?!

–12th & 4th

Overheard by: Joy

Asian woman to boyfriend: I am not going to talk about having a threesome with you and your clone on the train!

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: Ann

Chick on cell: … Talking about the apocalypse, but they were really laid back people.

–Barnard College

Lady: I can’t even talk to you for seven minutes, and you’re about to be my husband!

–Union Square

Woman on cell: I know you’re full of muscle relaxants and want to chat, but I can’t talk right now. Just take a picture of it and email it to me.

–57th & 6th

Overheard by: Withnail

Girl: Oh! Funny story — I was talking to my therapist about suicide yesterday…

–13th & 6th

Overheard by: gigglesnort

Wednesday One-Liners, Now in Wide and Narrow Sizes

Woman: I do better in a wig than I do in flat shoes.

–125th St station

Chick: So, last night I ended up drinking a lot. I woke up this morning with bowling shoes on. My regular shoes were gone…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Sully

Little boy: Mommy, those boots are a fashion no-no.

–N train

Eight-year-old boy: I like his shoes. Someone get me a knife!

–Bronx-bound 1 train

Bimbette: It’s like stripping is, like, the new Ugg boot.

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Laura Hughes

10-year-old boy: Let’s get some shoes. Oh my god, shoes!

–Midtown

Woman to man: If you’re hot enough to wear shorts, you’re not cool enough to wear boots. It’s a double standard.

–Broadway, near Wall St

Overheard by: Just right, apparently

Wednesday One-Liners Always Win the Limbo Contest

Girl to small friend: We’ll just call you ‘It.’

–Mercer & Prince

Overheard by: NYU Frosh Hater

Guy handing out Sovereign Bank bags: Free bags! Get your free shopping bag! This is the strongest bag you will ever see. It is so strong, it will hold… a small midget!

–5th Ave

Short girl: Whenever I go to these bars, I feel like everybody’s midget cousin.

–Bar, 53rd & 2nd

Midget to another: … And I told them I would work for them again but they couldn’t throw me around anymore.

–Bar, UES

Man: If he is out there exploiting himself he’s a midget, but if he gets up in the morning and puts on a suit and goes to work I’ll call him a little person.

–DeKalb & Kent Ave

Short, chubby woman on cell: I am not an Oompah loompa!

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Rachel P

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist