Homeboy: Monkeys are just humans who don’t give a shit, that’s all I’m sayin’.
–Park Pizza, 25th St. and Park Ave.
Overheard by: Chadd Derkins
Electrician: The Velvet Underground? Yeah, they was good for a few laughs back in the day.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard by: Michael
Dude: I definitely said, “No abortion jokes at dinner.”
–86th and 2nd
Lady: If he could fuck like he makes quesadillas, I’d be a lucky woman.
–Astoria deli
Overheard by: Stuart Bridgett
Guy on cell: True Spanish girls wear heels in a blizzard!
–33rd Street & Park Avenue
Overheard by: Chris D.
Hobo (to Hispanic construction workers): Remember the Alamo!
–34th & Madison Avenue
Hobo: Anyone have any spare change or medicine for lice?
–Christopher St. station
Overheard by: Matthew Dyke
Hobo: Excuse me, excuse me, sir, do you have change for a 12?
–West 4th Street
Singing hobo: I just spilled, I just spilled, I just spilled my blackberry brand-ayyyy.
–14th St. & 6th Ave.
Overheard by: wayne mitchell
Lady: You know, I heard him sing in the back room and he was like a young Clay Aiken.
–Macy’s
Guy: There’s nothing sadder than seeing an old gay woman.
–Church Street between Vesey and Barclay
Foreign art student: …so then, we are in the shower room, and you know, we start, how do you say…masturbate, and then he leaves, and I am like, “Oh my god, I really want to talk to him too!”.
–MoMA
Black woman: White men are fucking idiots! They’re morons.
–M7 bus
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Teenage boy: Man, I seen that guy Q…he’s all the time going to Coney Island.
–57th St. station (Q train terminal stop)
Italian guy: …so my nephew, right? He’s so stupid I gotta make him the lifeguard at my car wash!
–Taormina, Mulberry St.
Overheard by: Eric Rexilius
Old man: You know it’s New York cabbies when you have aliens, automobiles, and a lot of assholes.
–Astoria
Guy: One time, I was walking down the street wearing a track suit and this blind guy was behind me and he said, “Look, it’s a zebra.”
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Tori Hill
Girl on cell: You want immigrants to be your maids, your cashiers…You’re not ready for immigrants to be your doctors, your lawyers….I don’t think of myself as an immigrant. I think of myself as an expatriate.
–2nd Ave. & 10th St. liquor store
Man: So Tommy’s the security guard there, and I’m in the back room sellin’ crack to him…
–34th Street Lowe’s
Man on cell: …but there are like a thousand kinds of Crest!
–Duane Reade, 23rd St. & 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Elizabeth Rand
Chick: So when he talks about Britain, does that mean England too?
–Fordham
Overheard by: e. glass
US woman (to UK guy): You speak another language, only with American words.
–49th & 6th
Overheard by: David Grote
Guy on cell: I’m at Avenue of the Americas and…Little Brazil Street.
–W. 46th Street & 6th Avenue
A woman in a stupid fleece hat says to her friends, also in stupid fleece hats: This is my backyard when I’m not at the house!
–Central Park, 5th & 59th
Overheard by: Kat Martinez
Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.
–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue
Overheard by: Eric Wrenn
Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?
–M79 bus
