Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
–2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
–W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
–Angelo’s, 55th Street
Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!
–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope
Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: PB
Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”
–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!
–41st & 7th
Guy: I asked her, “Do you have any retail experience?” and she answered, “No, but I used to sell my body.”
–Stonehome Wine Bar, Lafayette Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anna
Woman: I was two fisting, unfortunately.
–APT, W. 13th Street
Guy: I think he drank like a gallon of olive oil and some minerals, and he was shitting stones.
–27th Street office
Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Queer on cell: Yah, well, Terri Schiavo died this week, and so did the Pope. So it’s been a pretty good week.
–Chumley’s, Bedford Street
Overheard by: Initials
Girl on cell: Fuckety fuck fuck, I forgot to put on a tampon this morning. Shit, shit, shit! I’m screwed, Lizette, I’m screwed.
–Bensonhurst
Girl on cell: Don’t walk in the blood! Don’t walk in the blood! Oh ah aah!…Thanks lady, thanks for walking in the blood.
–Essex & Rivington
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Construction guy: That Barney Rubble, he’s some actor.
–South Street Seaport bar
Overheard by: Keith McCarthy
Guy: She’s a spoiled rotten brat. She’s rich as shit and gets everything she wants. It fucking pisses me off. I can’t stand her…the only reason I know all this is ’cause I hang out with her like 24 hours a day.
–1 train
Hobo: Hillary Clinton and Pee-Wee Herman are Democrats! I am a Republican!
–12th St. & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: Caroline N
Scottish chick on cell: He’s sort of like the John Tesh of tonsils, isn’t he?
–60th & 1st
Overheard by: zunshyn
Guy: I think I know enough about compound plastic to perform basic dentistry.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway
Tech kid: I can, like, smell which microphone you’re using.
–NYU Education building, Washington Square east
Old man: I don’t even like taking the subway anymore because the tiling is so disgusting.
–28th Street station
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Guy: Every time I see him, I want to wash myself.
–South Street seaport
Queer on cell: Whores! You are W-H-O-R-E dash I-B-L-E. That’s what you are. You’re whore-ible.
–50th between 8th & 9th
Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.
–Broadway & Astor Place
Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Jon Graboff
Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.
–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street
Overheard by: james uphoff
Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two!
–20th Street office
Overheard by: Animal
Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones.
–North Face, 73rd & Broadway
Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife.
–1/9 train
