Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Queer on cell: Yah, well, Terri Schiavo died this week, and so did the Pope. So it’s been a pretty good week.
–Chumley’s, Bedford Street
Overheard by: Initials
Girl on cell: Fuckety fuck fuck, I forgot to put on a tampon this morning. Shit, shit, shit! I’m screwed, Lizette, I’m screwed.
–Bensonhurst
Girl on cell: Don’t walk in the blood! Don’t walk in the blood! Oh ah aah!…Thanks lady, thanks for walking in the blood.
–Essex & Rivington
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Construction guy: That Barney Rubble, he’s some actor.
–South Street Seaport bar
Overheard by: Keith McCarthy
Guy: She’s a spoiled rotten brat. She’s rich as shit and gets everything she wants. It fucking pisses me off. I can’t stand her…the only reason I know all this is ’cause I hang out with her like 24 hours a day.
–1 train
Hobo: Hillary Clinton and Pee-Wee Herman are Democrats! I am a Republican!
–12th St. & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: Caroline N
Scottish chick on cell: He’s sort of like the John Tesh of tonsils, isn’t he?
–60th & 1st
Overheard by: zunshyn
Guy: I think I know enough about compound plastic to perform basic dentistry.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway
Tech kid: I can, like, smell which microphone you’re using.
–NYU Education building, Washington Square east
Old man: I don’t even like taking the subway anymore because the tiling is so disgusting.
–28th Street station
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
Guy: Every time I see him, I want to wash myself.
–South Street seaport
Queer on cell: Whores! You are W-H-O-R-E dash I-B-L-E. That’s what you are. You’re whore-ible.
–50th between 8th & 9th
Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.
–Broadway & Astor Place
Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Jon Graboff
Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.
–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street
Overheard by: james uphoff
Receptionist: It takes two shots to bring down a bengal tiger! Two!
–20th Street office
Overheard by: Animal
Chick on cell: Oh, so honey, they aren’t actually tents for dogs; they’re just tiny display tents for the large ones.
–North Face, 73rd & Broadway
Woman: She feeds chickens to other chickens. It’s gross. It’s like, if there was a husband and wife, she would chop up the husband and feed him to the wife.
–1/9 train
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”.
–Union Square station
Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!
–6th Avenue salon
Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck!
–Park Slope
Teen girl: Yo, I heard he fucked a fat girl in Remi and she was so big he couldn’t get his arms around her!
–Astoria Dunkin’ Donuts
Overheard by: Jack
UES chick on cell: …so then he takes me to this party, where there’s all these topless chicks and crap, and I’m like, “Come on! Haven’t I stroked your ego enough?”.
–88th and Park
Overheard by: ikanread
Girl: No, I will not have anal sex with your boyfriend!
–Union Square station
Girl on cell: Oh no! I dropped a bunch of papers that I don’t need!
–Pace University elevator
Overheard by: shawn mac
Conductor: The next stop will be…Hell, I don’t even know what it is!
–B train
Overheard by: Miss Babette
Guy: You know, when I was doing those breathing exercises, I realized: I don’t think I’ve been able to breathe out of my left nostril since 1995.
–General Store, DUMBO
Overheard by: Beth
