Asian yuppie: I think Victoria’s Secret is turning into the new McDonald’s.
–18th & 6th
Guy: Oh man, Gristedes can suck me off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Chick on cell: She just got this amazing job where she can live anywhere she wants in the Midwest!
–Prince & Broadway
Lady: You don’t have plastic bags? This is New York!
–Chipotle, E. 8th Street
Contractor on cell: Uncle Monty left his nightmares at home last night.
–Park Slope
Girl on cell: …since we lived underwater we were seapeople, and we were a lot like seahorses, and you were pregnant because, you know, male seahorses carry the baby. And then we had to go on land for you to have the baby…
–Hunter College cafeteria
Woman on cell: I’m telling you, this guy is the man of my dreams. The only thing that could go wrong at this point is if he turns out to be, like, 4’11” or something.
–Prospect Heights
(cf. this entry.)
Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.
–42nd between 6th & Madison
Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.
–27th street office
Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Cat Pop
Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!
–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A
Overheard by: Ted Lattis
Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…
–13th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline Norris
Drunk woman on cell: It’s been Tuesday all day! And tomorrow’s gonna be Tuesday too!
–St. George, Staten Island
Overheard by: johnny
Teen girl: So, if I didn’t pass a drug test, does that mean I, like, failed?
–Pratt
Southern girl: …so I asked her what the “M” on her bag stood for. She was all, “It stands for Margaret, ’cause it’s my name.” And I was all, “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I keep forgettin’, ’cause we been calling you Maggie.”
–7 train
Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Asian woman: Excuse me, what time is the 7:17 train?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Adman
Stumbling drunk: Viva Mexico! Fuck all the niggers! I hate niggers! Viva Mexico!
–Union Square
Woman: …and did you hear him say that he brainwashed my husband when he was in Iraq?
–27th Street elevator
Old junkie: You red-headed nigga! I saw you on 2nd street! You had an office…in somone’s funky ass! And you’re from Europe!
–F train
Overheard by: Ali
Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
–2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
–W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
–Angelo’s, 55th Street
Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!
–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope
Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: PB
Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”
–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!
–41st & 7th
Guy: I asked her, “Do you have any retail experience?” and she answered, “No, but I used to sell my body.”
–Stonehome Wine Bar, Lafayette Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anna
Woman: I was two fisting, unfortunately.
–APT, W. 13th Street
Guy: I think he drank like a gallon of olive oil and some minerals, and he was shitting stones.
–27th Street office
Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Queer on cell: Yah, well, Terri Schiavo died this week, and so did the Pope. So it’s been a pretty good week.
–Chumley’s, Bedford Street
Overheard by: Initials
Girl on cell: Fuckety fuck fuck, I forgot to put on a tampon this morning. Shit, shit, shit! I’m screwed, Lizette, I’m screwed.
–Bensonhurst
Girl on cell: Don’t walk in the blood! Don’t walk in the blood! Oh ah aah!…Thanks lady, thanks for walking in the blood.
–Essex & Rivington
Overheard by: Nicole A.
