Little girl: Do I have to shave all over my body when I grow up? Where will I have to shave most? Where don’t I have to shave? Tell me, you’re old, you should know.
–New York Hall of Science, Flushing
Overheard by: Ting
NYU Chick: 2G? Does that mean it’s on the ground floor?
–11th between Broadway and University
Woman: Would it help to keep a couple dead deer lying around to scare the other ones away?
–Union Square Greenmarket
Woman: I want to stay inside Disney World. I’m going to see the Bain de Soleil Circus and everything.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: O. Pressed
Dude on cell: So he’s getting married?…So he’s getting married in Wyoming?…So he’s getting married by Elvis?
–Houston & Varick
Teen mom: Someday I’m gonna get out of here and have fun. Like go to Gray’s Papaya or something.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Tyla
Preacher: What does God think of your sex life? Are you a winner or are you a chicken dinner?
–42nd Street station
Overheard by: Brian Lang
Teen boy: I must be the Antichrist! Every time I pass by a church it blows up. It’s happened twice already!
–30th & 7th
Guy: Why? Because I’m lazy, and I’m Jewish!
–MacDougal Street
Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life.
–Bx21 bus
Overheard by: Fiona
Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money.
–7 train
Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something.
–6th Ave. between 50th & 51st
Woman: I’m so sick of boyfriends. I want to be single forever. Fingers and vibrators are it!
–43rd St. & 10th Ave.
Overheard by: Jenn X
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, the MTA is like a bad boyfriend. You’re all dressed up and ready to go and the fucking train doesn’t even show up! And the worst part is the next time you totally show up again, ready to go and just have to hope to God that the stupid train shows up. What the hell is that?
–45th & 8th
Black girl: It felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. That was some King Kong kind of shit.
–E train
Overheard by: Philip
Asian yuppie: I think Victoria’s Secret is turning into the new McDonald’s.
–18th & 6th
Guy: Oh man, Gristedes can suck me off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Chick on cell: She just got this amazing job where she can live anywhere she wants in the Midwest!
–Prince & Broadway
Lady: You don’t have plastic bags? This is New York!
–Chipotle, E. 8th Street
Contractor on cell: Uncle Monty left his nightmares at home last night.
–Park Slope
Girl on cell: …since we lived underwater we were seapeople, and we were a lot like seahorses, and you were pregnant because, you know, male seahorses carry the baby. And then we had to go on land for you to have the baby…
–Hunter College cafeteria
Woman on cell: I’m telling you, this guy is the man of my dreams. The only thing that could go wrong at this point is if he turns out to be, like, 4’11” or something.
–Prospect Heights
(cf. this entry.)
Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.
–42nd between 6th & Madison
Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.
–27th street office
Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Cat Pop
Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!
–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A
Overheard by: Ted Lattis
Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…
–13th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline Norris
Drunk woman on cell: It’s been Tuesday all day! And tomorrow’s gonna be Tuesday too!
–St. George, Staten Island
Overheard by: johnny
Teen girl: So, if I didn’t pass a drug test, does that mean I, like, failed?
–Pratt
Southern girl: …so I asked her what the “M” on her bag stood for. She was all, “It stands for Margaret, ’cause it’s my name.” And I was all, “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I keep forgettin’, ’cause we been calling you Maggie.”
–7 train
Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Asian woman: Excuse me, what time is the 7:17 train?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Adman
Stumbling drunk: Viva Mexico! Fuck all the niggers! I hate niggers! Viva Mexico!
–Union Square
Woman: …and did you hear him say that he brainwashed my husband when he was in Iraq?
–27th Street elevator
Old junkie: You red-headed nigga! I saw you on 2nd street! You had an office…in somone’s funky ass! And you’re from Europe!
–F train
Overheard by: Ali
