Queer #1: I kind of like Barack Obama. He’s cute.
Queer #2: If I didn’t have a husband, I would be so far up Barack Obama’s ass that if anyone pulled me out they would become King of England.
–115th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Nathan
Queer #1: I kind of like Barack Obama. He’s cute.
Queer #2: If I didn’t have a husband, I would be so far up Barack Obama’s ass that if anyone pulled me out they would become King of England.
–115th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Nathan
Hipster chick: Fuck off — I already told you girls don’t poop. Especially not this one. [Boyfriend looks at her with puppy dog eyes.] And no, you cannot put your penis up there to find out. I am not having this conversation before I meet your mother.
–Norfolk & Rivington
Overheard by: edith
Teen girl #1: So, last night we were talking, and he still wants to put it in my ass… Like, how could I be with someone who only thinks about shoving his thing up my ass?
Teen girl #2: So what are you gonna do?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know! Help me!
Teen girl #2, puzzled: I thought you love anal sex?
Teen girl #1: Oh, yeah.
–S79 bus
Overheard by: rob l
Girl: Don’t you feel bad?
Guy: About what?
Girl: For one, you’re in your girlfriend’s jeans, her jacket, her flats, and her fucking pearls. And second…
Guy: And second what?
Girl: You got fucked by three different guys in the two days she’s been out of town.
Guy: If I suck so much, why the fuck are we friends?
Girl: ‘Cause when she is out of town, I have my own little gay Barbie doll and fashion expert all in one. And it’s your turn to buy the manicures.
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: Julie
Girl #1: Did you hook up with Josh last weekend?
Girl #2: Yeah, we got really drunk and I blew him and we did anal. I dunno if I want to lose my virginity with him, though.
–86th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Kandiru
Trader #1: Is she ok with that price?
Trader #2: Yeah, we have a great relationship. She’ll take it in the end.
–777 3rd Ave
Queer: Oh my god, he fucked me so hard last night.
Friend: Wait — how hard?
Queer: Like, he literally fucked the shit out of me. He, like, knocked my tooth out and then I swallowed it when I gave him head. And then the next day I had to shit out the tooth.
Friend: Oh my god.
–114th & Amsterdam
Hobo #1: Hillary is gay and Bill is a lesbian! She straps on a big one and gives it to him right in the ass! … Are you listening to me?
Hobo #2: Yeah. You said Hillary has a big one…
–Deli, 23rd & Lex
20-something guy #1: I used to fuck guys like you in prison.
20-something guy #2: Please. If you had been to prison I don’t think that you would have been the one doing the fucking.
20-something guy #1: I guess that’s true.
20-something chick: Fucking morons.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Bang-Around Bob
Guy: I was laughing so hard gas was coming out of my buttocks!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Allie
Loud girl to boyfriend: You know what would be great? If you could stop making those vicious smelly farts and then looking around like it’s somebody else. We all know it’s you.
–A train
Lady to friend: No, seriously! ‘Cause it was like, two hundred farts per whatever, and it should really only be like 35.
–Charlton & Varick St
Overheard by: sophie
Loud little boy: Mommy, I feel much better now! Yes, I did! I farted!
–W 71st & Columbus
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy: Good god, my farts smell like cum!
–Christopher St
Overheard by: Deeply Troubled
20-something chick on cell: No, it’s ridiculous. She’s afraid to shit in his house ’cause he thinks girls don’t shit. I mean, how many times have they had anal? Obviously the hole is there for something… I hope she farts on his dick.
–1 train
Overheard by: jenny
Blind guy walking dog: Ughhh, I just farted… Good morning, New York. I love you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: AMOS
