Beauty

Hobo: Oh, you gonna work this car?
Activist guy: Yeah, I got kinda like a political thing goin’ on here. I hope you don’t mind if I work here.
Hobo: A’right, fine, whateva.

–6 train

Overheard by: shahid waseem

Hobo: Hey, I’m not selling candy for the basketball team. I’m not selling candy for the football team. I’m not selling candy for the afterschool program. In fact, I’m not selling anything. I just want your money so I can buy pot and beer and crack. And Viagara. I hear you need Viagara when you’re on the crack…Hi, miss. You have the prettiest eyes I’ve seen in 20 minutes…You, no! Get out. I am working this car. Get out. No candy!

–5 train

Woman: What ever happened to Ceci?
Man: Ceci?
Woman: Yeah, Ceci. That little girl that got her fingers cut off. The pretty little crackhead with the beautiful soul.

–116th & Frederick Douglass

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Junkie lady: Wow, that thing is nice, what year is it?
Yuppie guy: ’06, I just got it.
Junkie lady: ’06? That shit ain’t even here yet. You better put that in a garage, nigga!
Yuppie guy: I don’t have money for that or for you.

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Art Vandelay

Guy #1: Can you think of anyone who, in their prime, was hotter than Jessica Alba is right now?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah, totally. Like, Bridget Bardot, and Apollonia in Purple Rain.

–5th Avenue & 10th Street

Overheard by: Christina Walker

Girl: I am glad you don’t think she’s prettier than me.
Guy: What? She is like, trailer trash.
Girl: No, she’s really pretty.
Guy: What are you talking about? She is some lady they found in the parking lot by the garbage. They were like, “Hey lady, we will give you $20 to do this.”
Girl: …she is like, the American standard of beauty.
Guy: She is a dumpster-diving prostitute!

–Access Digital Theatres, Prospect Park

Overheard by: matt stohrer

Guy: Can I just say, maybe Zorro shouldn’t be the first American movie you see.

–83rd & Broadway

Little boy: Why didn’t Harry Potter just take a shotgun and blow that guy’s head off?

–Loews Kips Bay Theatre, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Mark Schilsky

Girl #1: Shh! I can’t hear what he’s saying!
Girl #2: Bitch, you read the book already!

–DGA Theater, West 57th Street

Black chick #1: Girl, he so fine.
Black chick #2: Mmm…
Queer: Yes, we all know he’s fine, but shut the fuck up!

–AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street

Overheard by: Scott Hoffman

Girl: So for the last half-hour of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I couldn’t stop crying. Then everybody in the theater turned around and laughed at me.

–Waverly & Mercer

Overheard by: Stu

Guy #1: You still fixing vans for that production house?
Guy #2: Yeah, I even got in a movie. Check me out in Prime; it’s with Uma Thurman. I’m in it for like 20 seconds playing basketball on the street with a red do-rag. I was like 30 pounds heavier then; I just got out of jail.

–DMV, Greenwich Street

Overheard by: Anthony Bloodsucker

Black woman: All these assholes going to the movies…Lowest common denominator!

–Loews Lincoln Square ladies’ room, West 68th Street

Overheard by: Amanda K

Girl: I heard there’s an Asian girl in the new Harry Potter.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: So they are branching out.
Guy: Yeah…but she is kinda big.

–Beard Papa’s, Broadway & Astor

Overheard by: sim choo

Girl: I am dating two different guys with kids and no one will take me to see Harry Potter. Now that‘s fucked up.

–Eatery, 9th Avenue

Overheard by: Mike

Suit: I think you would really like As Good As It Gets.
Woman: Is that the one with Jennifer Aniston?
Suit: No, it’s Helen Keller.

–75th & 3rd

Overheard by: Aaron Hotfelder

Cosmetics guy: I was going to ask if you would like your makeup done but I can see it’s perfect. You are a little red, though. Maybe some concealer? Is it allergies?
Girl: No, I’m drunk.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Overheard by: David Miss

Chick #1: I feel so fucked up. I don’t know why.
Chick #2: Maybe it’s because of the way you look!…Just kidding,
Margaret! Just kidding!

–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, 22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Stephie Russell