Beauty

Overheard in New York: The Movie

Girl: I am glad you don’t think she’s prettier than me.
Guy: What? She is like, trailer trash.
Girl: No, she’s really pretty.
Guy: What are you talking about? She is some lady they found in the parking lot by the garbage. They were like, “Hey lady, we will give you $20 to do this.”
Girl: …she is like, the American standard of beauty.
Guy: She is a dumpster-diving prostitute!

–Access Digital Theatres, Prospect Park

Overheard by: matt stohrer

Guy: Can I just say, maybe Zorro shouldn’t be the first American movie you see.

–83rd & Broadway

Little boy: Why didn’t Harry Potter just take a shotgun and blow that guy’s head off?

–Loews Kips Bay Theatre, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Mark Schilsky

Girl #1: Shh! I can’t hear what he’s saying!
Girl #2: Bitch, you read the book already!

–DGA Theater, West 57th Street

Black chick #1: Girl, he so fine.
Black chick #2: Mmm…
Queer: Yes, we all know he’s fine, but shut the fuck up!

–AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street

Overheard by: Scott Hoffman

Girl: So for the last half-hour of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I couldn’t stop crying. Then everybody in the theater turned around and laughed at me.

–Waverly & Mercer

Overheard by: Stu

Guy #1: You still fixing vans for that production house?
Guy #2: Yeah, I even got in a movie. Check me out in Prime; it’s with Uma Thurman. I’m in it for like 20 seconds playing basketball on the street with a red do-rag. I was like 30 pounds heavier then; I just got out of jail.

–DMV, Greenwich Street

Overheard by: Anthony Bloodsucker

Black woman: All these assholes going to the movies…Lowest common denominator!

–Loews Lincoln Square ladies’ room, West 68th Street

Overheard by: Amanda K

Girl: I heard there’s an Asian girl in the new Harry Potter.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: So they are branching out.
Guy: Yeah…but she is kinda big.

–Beard Papa’s, Broadway & Astor

Overheard by: sim choo

Girl: I am dating two different guys with kids and no one will take me to see Harry Potter. Now that‘s fucked up.

–Eatery, 9th Avenue

Overheard by: Mike

Suit: I think you would really like As Good As It Gets.
Woman: Is that the one with Jennifer Aniston?
Suit: No, it’s Helen Keller.

–75th & 3rd

Overheard by: Aaron Hotfelder

“Ah. The Tara Reid concealer, then.”

Cosmetics guy: I was going to ask if you would like your makeup done but I can see it’s perfect. You are a little red, though. Maybe some concealer? Is it allergies?
Girl: No, I’m drunk.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Overheard by: David Miss

That Cracked Mirror Doesn’t Lie

Chick #1: I feel so fucked up. I don’t know why.
Chick #2: Maybe it’s because of the way you look!…Just kidding,
Margaret! Just kidding!

–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, 22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

Have You Checked the Trunk?

Chick #1: You know I wanna lose some weight, especially in my hips.
Chick #2: I felt like that a while ago. I was dating this guy and when him and I broke up I wanted to be slimmer when I saw him again. Girl, I took some weight loss pills and lost about 20 pounds. When I saw him again he said I looked sick. I had fucked around and lost my ass. I still haven’t gotten it back yet.

–80th & 3rd

Overheard by: Divine Essence

They’re Scared of Losing Their Souls…More So

Chick #1: Ew! Did that man just take our picture with his cameraphone?
Chick #2: Ew! That is so rude! Why would he do that? Don’t look up. Don’t look up!
Man: Don’t flatter yourselves, ladies. A) You’re not nearly that hot, and B) I was sending a text message to my boyfriend.

–M57 bus

Overheard by: Peter S

No Soup for Our Editor (A NYC Short Story)

Fat woman #1: Why do people keep asking me [about the long line]? Do I have one of those approachable faces?

Fat woman #1: The guy thing is, she has no problem attracting. And anyone willing to put out will never get love. Doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20.

Fat woman #1: I am a soup lover!

Fat woman #1: Look at the makeup on this lady with the green hat coming up! She takes the crosstown bus sometimes. Spectacular. Spectacular. Can you imagine if Joe saw that? He’d come over and ask her out.
Fat woman #2: That’s everyday?
Fat woman #1: That’s not special, not Halloween. I love it when she wears her army fatigues. She wears the jacket, the pants…

Fat woman #2: What are you in the mood for? Something chicken noodley or something exotic?
Fat woman #1: I might get two!

Fat woman #1: So Yen Ling. I asked her, “What do you want to be called? Yen or Yen Ling?” She says, “Yen Ling”, I say, “Fine.” So I’m going around introducing her and she’s saying “Yen”, “Yen”, “Yen.” It’s just like, if you want to be called Yen Ling, why are you saying “Yen”?
Fat woman #2: What’s her last name?
Fat woman #1: Yu.
Fat woman #2: Yu?
Fat woman #1: It’s one of those.
Fat woman #2: Sounds like a comedy routine. “Who?” “Yu!”
Fat woman #1: “Who, you?”

Note: The Nazi was sold out of crab bisque, and all of the meaty soups except for mulligatawny.

–42nd & 5th

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