Beauty

Wednesday One-Liners Own Eight-Sided Dice

Loud, nerdy guy: They’re basically a bunch of shitty MySpace kids with mutant powers. Like the hedgehog kid: his power is that spikes come out of his body, what the fuck is that? I could roll around in glue and syringes and get that guy’s power.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Zoh

Middle-Aged man: I think vampires are kind of stupid. They seem to care an awful lot about how they look and what others think. It’s like, who cares? You’re six hundred years old and on your way to hell, hello?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Someone who thinks he has a point

Asian girl: One of my cousins is a dragon.

–32nd St

Overheard by: sneakyintern

But It’s Just About Good Enough for an Open Casket

Annoyed friend: Yeah, I like what you did with your hair. Seriously, it’s a nice look for you.
Vain guy: Thanks. You know, I’m always amazed at how a good haircut can drive away the usual enthusiasm for suicide.
Annoyed friend: Hold on. It doesn’t look that good.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jeremiah

His mom will make you feel guilty about it tomorrow

Girl 1: I just saw, like, 3 cute Jewish-looking guys.
Girl 2: Yeah, that one in the window?
Girl 1: Yeah.
Girl 2: Wanna go touch his butt?

–48th and 9th

Overheard by: alexie
Headline by: lori

Runners-Up:
· “Boy, if I had a quarter for every time someone said that about me, I’d have…..35 cents.” – Adam
· “By That I Mean Marry Him For His Money” – dean morris
· “Diaper Change Time at the Mt. Sanai Maternity Ward…” – Warren Freeman
· “Goy chicks are, like, so daring” – DJG
· “It’s only Trayf if you eat him” – djingo
· “Jewish: The Other White Meat” – James
· “Or we could go tweak that catholic-looking guy’s nipples” – morgz
· “Pants so tight you can see his religion” – scarfaccio
· “Satan Would Approve” – hl
· “The “Shiksa Shocka”” – Vick
· “Ugh… the cute ones are ALWAYS jewish” – Jnice
· “Yeah, That Wallet Is Huge.” – Keith Becker

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Then They Savagely Beat Me. I Wonder Why I Keep Doing That?

Girl: Hey, I like your hair.
Mohawked guy: People often ask me “What is your hair?” and I say, “What is Dada?”

–MoMA

Overheard by: rebecca

Liza Minnelli at 15

Teen girl #1: What are we doing here?
Teen girl #2: Looking at handsome gay guys.
Teen girl #1: Why?
Teen girl #2: Because they’re more fun than straight guys, and they like it when you look at them.

–Christopher Street Pier

Overheard by: brad

I’m About to Anticlimax

Guy #1 eating an ice cream cone: Look at these babes.
Guy #2 eating an ice cream cone: Look at these jugs.
Guy #1: Look at these bombs.
Guy #2: Holy shit! Russian Scuds!
Guy #1: Look at these torpedos!
Guy #2: Look at these fun bags!
Guy #1: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! What a babe!
Guy #2: Yeah, but her friend has to do something with that can.

–Broadway & 22nd

Overheard by: Eric Wenstrom

That Runway’s Hilarious

Lady lawyer: You look like a lot of my cousins, you know.
Boy attorney #1: Are they models?
Boy attorney #2: Yeah, leg brace models!

–Office, 45th & 5th

The Beggar Union Has No Pension Demands

Hobo: Oh, you gonna work this car?
Activist guy: Yeah, I got kinda like a political thing goin’ on here. I hope you don’t mind if I work here.
Hobo: A’right, fine, whateva.

–6 train

Overheard by: shahid waseem

Hobo: Hey, I’m not selling candy for the basketball team. I’m not selling candy for the football team. I’m not selling candy for the afterschool program. In fact, I’m not selling anything. I just want your money so I can buy pot and beer and crack. And Viagara. I hear you need Viagara when you’re on the crack…Hi, miss. You have the prettiest eyes I’ve seen in 20 minutes…You, no! Get out. I am working this car. Get out. No candy!

–5 train

Where Are They Now? (A NYC Short Story)

Woman: What ever happened to Ceci?
Man: Ceci?
Woman: Yeah, Ceci. That little girl that got her fingers cut off. The pretty little crackhead with the beautiful soul.

–116th & Frederick Douglass

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Junkie lady: Wow, that thing is nice, what year is it?
Yuppie guy: ’06, I just got it.
Junkie lady: ’06? That shit ain’t even here yet. You better put that in a garage, nigga!
Yuppie guy: I don’t have money for that or for you.

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Art Vandelay

Then Beverly Cleary Bringing Up the Rear

Guy #1: Can you think of anyone who, in their prime, was hotter than Jessica Alba is right now?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah, totally. Like, Bridget Bardot, and Apollonia in Purple Rain.

–5th Avenue & 10th Street

Overheard by: Christina Walker

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