Bimbettes

God Insists on Saying ‘Between You and I’

Blonde Teen: So I’m taking that religion class.
Brunette Teen: Oh yeah? The one where you read the Bible right?
Blonde teen: Yeah that one. And get this, we are about to start reading the Book of Proverbs.
Brunette Teen: Oh My God! I didn’t know the Bible had a grammar section.
Blonde Teen: Me neither!!
Brunette Teen: Oh man, I bet it totally tells you how to speak like God… Except properly, you know?
Blonde Teen: [Gasp] I bet it totally does.
Brunette Teen: Ugh! I wish I had taken that class.

–The Original Ray’s Pizza

The First Arm’s Easy, the Second One’s a Real Problem

Long Island JAP #1: Are all New York City girls drug-addict whores?
Long Island JAP #2: Yeah, but so are girls from Long Island. There’s really no difference.
Random Upper East Side JAP: Oh my god, can I just interject for a second here? Long Island girls and New York City girls are not the same thing. It is not okay to wear Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirts, and we’re all addicted to drugs because we don’t have gross Long Island weed and coke that is ninety-nine percent baking soda. And we’re whores because we’re like a thousand times hotter than you’ll ever be, even when we’re not wearing makeup. Plus, I don’t tawk like this.
Long Island JAP #1: Wow, that was, like, seriously uncalled for.
Upper East Side JAP: Yeah well, I’d rather cut off my own arms than live in Long Island. Also, I’m just high, so don’t really pay attention to me.

–Serafina, Upper East Side

It’s Like Somebody Moved the Things I Think With

Girl #1: Lately, I just haven’t felt like going out. I’ve turned into such a…What’s the word? A homophobe.
Girl #2: What? Don’t you mean a homophiliac?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s what I meant! God, why can’t I think straight today?

–Forever 21, W 34th St

Overheard by: rolling my eyes in the dressing room next door

At the Scientology Lecture

Bimbette #1: I swear, her apartment has the best view in the whole city.
Bimbette #2: Really? What’s the view of?
Bimbette #1: You can see the Empire State Building and, uh, that other building. It’s really great.
Bimbette #2: When were you there?
Bimbette #1: I wasn’t, she just told me about it.

–STK, Little West 12th St

Overheard by: I’m convinced

Amber, We’re Strippers

Bimbette #1: This new dress code is gonna suck! Like half my paycheck is on clothes already!
Bimbette #2: I think you’re ok.
Bimbette #1: You sure? My boob fell out like in front of everybody yesterday.

–Elevator, 45 W 45th St

Overheard by: MaryMary

But I Heard in the Book She Actually Lives

Bimbettte, looking at a painting of Joan of Arc: Oooh, that’s so pretty!
Boyfriend: Did you see the movie?
Bimbette: Yeah, didn’t she die or something?

–The Met

And, I Mean, If She Were Still Alive and All

Girl: If I were a lesbian, I’d totally go for her!
Guy: Who?
Girl: Priscilla! Well…I mean, if she weren’t my sister.

–M23 Bus

Overheard by: Claire

So He’s Had 27 Years of Practice with That Violin

NYU chick : Wait, he’s 28!
Friend : Yeah, I know. And he’s Asian

–Uptown 6 train

I’m Really Wet, I Know that Much

Frat boy: So are you gonna come out drinking tonight?
College girl: Uh no, I haven’t been feeling so well, I’m allergic to rain I think.
Frat boy: Ummm, it’s not raining.
College girl: Yeah, it must have been earlier or something.

–17th & 3rd

They Go in Through the Anus

Girl #1: Wow, you got your nose pierced!
Girl #2: Yeah, I got it yesterday
Girl #1: How did they do it? Gun or needle?
Girl #2: Gun.
Girl #1: Ah ok, how do they fit a gun up there?

–McDonalds

Overheard by: Ness

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