Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.
–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd
Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.
–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd
Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: PDJ
Late-20’s woman #1: I think it’s time to get, like, a serious job.
Late-20’s woman #2: Good, you definitely should.
Late-20’s woman #1: So, I think I am going to apply for a job at Urban Outfitters!
–LIRR platform, Long Beach line
Overheard by: skilla
Girl: I think Elvis died on my birthday…No, wait, Elvis died on Madonna’s birthday. Why do I always get that confused?
–36th St
Geeky guy: Dudes, we are staying at the Bellagio. That gives us instant credibility.
–Jet Blue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: Dungy
Guy: All we’re gonna do anyway is drink in my basement. Fuckin’ suburbia.
–W 4th & Mercer
Teen girl: And he was like, “You people from Connecticut, all you ever do is drink cocktails and text-message each other.”
–Uptown 2 train
Ditzy girl: It’s like…like the herbal tea of beers.
–House of Brews, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: Just Trying to Watch the Game in Peace
Teenage guy: Dude, you can’t get married. You’re going to college. There’s gonna be a lot of girls and beer. Every day.
–Middletown Rd & Crosby Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: christine
Girl on phone: What do you mean she’s not drunk yet?
–Mo Pitkins, 2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: sarah
Guy: We’re going to strap the beer to the dog, and go down to the Ho Chi Minh Trail, and camp out by the railroad tracks.
–Ave A
Overheard by: Cory
Guy: I would rather be poor and not famous than famous and poor…I drank a lot today, but I am not drunk.
–7 train
Guy on phone: Did you do her?…Mazel Tov…Was she drunk?
–Lobby, Cardozo School of Law
College girl #1: So, like, if you know anyone who, like, needs, like, anyone to do, like, anything for money, I’m totally desperate.
College girl #2: Oh, for sure! I’ll totally let you know!
–St. Mark’s, between 2rd and 3nd
Teen girl: You know, they should have wet t-shirt contests but with legs.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Katwoman
Loud girl: I was like, “That’s totally unfair! You can’t pray that prayer! That’s the story of my life.”
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Helen V.
Guy: She’s just a friend I fuck. And she has a boyfriend.
Girl: Who sleeps with prostitutes who give him genital warts.
Guy: Shhhh.
–Astoria-bound N train
Overheard by: effie
Lady: Ewww! It smells like someone made a dump!
Bum shrugs.
–Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
