Dumb blonde #1: Yeah, so, like, Photoshop is better for, like, for photos, and Illustrator is better for, like, illustrations, and InDesign is better for, like, designing stuff.
Dumb blonde #2: Wow, I could never be a graphics person; that’s so much software.
Dumb brunette: I could! I use Paint all the time!
–Metro-North
Woman, looking at fossil: So is this like, a thing, or did someone make this up?
–Museum of Natural History
Drunk ex-girlfriend: So what did you tell your friends you were doing tonight?
Frat boy: Going to the Mets game.
Drunk ex-girlfriend: No, really. What did they say?
Frat guy: “Hey, Dave*, what are you doing tonight?” “Going to the Mets game.” “With who?” “My ex.” “She hot?” “I’d do her again, for sure.”
Drunk ex-girlfriend: Oh, that’s so nice.
–Manhattan bound 7 train
Blonde: She’s very chesty. Let me just say, I’ve seen her with no clothes on many times, and she has like the biggest tits I’ve ever seen. Seriously.
Boyfriend: Can you draw me a picture?
Brunette: I can’t believe you just told him that!
Blonde: What? Hell, I talk like that about all my friends.
Brunette: God, what do you say about me?
Blonde: That you have some of the smallest tits I’ve ever seen.
Brunette: These aren’t small!
–A train
Brooklyn guy: All I’m sayin’ is it goes without sayin’.
–Brooklyn bound D train
Overheard by: Robert Barry Francos
Hoochie on cell: I don’t want that. I’m looking for sauce. Sauce sauce sauce sauce sauce! S-A-U-S-C-E. Sauce!
–Waldbaum’s, Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Liz the Overheardista
Teen girl: Do you think Christmas will ever be on Friday the 13th?
–Times Square
Woman in elevator: She said 13…Where’s 13? What the… fuck? There’s no 13. Should I press 12? Or 14? What?…She said 13. Well I’ll just press both.
–22nd & Broadway
Overheard by: staring at the button for 13
Elderly woman, regarding painting: Would you look at the detail he put into this. It almost looks two dimensional.
–The Met
Overheard by: s.gothman
Tween boy: Did the dinosaurs come before or after Bible times?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Omg! He did not just ask that!
Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.
–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd
Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: PDJ
Late-20’s woman #1: I think it’s time to get, like, a serious job.
Late-20’s woman #2: Good, you definitely should.
Late-20’s woman #1: So, I think I am going to apply for a job at Urban Outfitters!
–LIRR platform, Long Beach line
Overheard by: skilla
Girl: I think Elvis died on my birthday…No, wait, Elvis died on Madonna’s birthday. Why do I always get that confused?
–36th St
Geeky guy: Dudes, we are staying at the Bellagio. That gives us instant credibility.
–Jet Blue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: Dungy
Guy: All we’re gonna do anyway is drink in my basement. Fuckin’ suburbia.
–W 4th & Mercer
Teen girl: And he was like, “You people from Connecticut, all you ever do is drink cocktails and text-message each other.”
–Uptown 2 train
Ditzy girl: It’s like…like the herbal tea of beers.
–House of Brews, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: Just Trying to Watch the Game in Peace
Teenage guy: Dude, you can’t get married. You’re going to college. There’s gonna be a lot of girls and beer. Every day.
–Middletown Rd & Crosby Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: christine
Girl on phone: What do you mean she’s not drunk yet?
–Mo Pitkins, 2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: sarah
Guy: We’re going to strap the beer to the dog, and go down to the Ho Chi Minh Trail, and camp out by the railroad tracks.
–Ave A
Overheard by: Cory
Guy: I would rather be poor and not famous than famous and poor…I drank a lot today, but I am not drunk.
–7 train
Guy on phone: Did you do her?…Mazel Tov…Was she drunk?
–Lobby, Cardozo School of Law
