Girl #1: I mean, don’t tell him I told you that. You can’t tell him I said anything, or he will flip his shit.
Girl #2: It’s Vagina Night!
–Rivington & Orchard
Girl #1: I mean, don’t tell him I told you that. You can’t tell him I said anything, or he will flip his shit.
Girl #2: It’s Vagina Night!
–Rivington & Orchard
Man: So I’ve always kind of wondered…You know how ants are so small, we’re probably too big to be completely perceived and understood by them? I always wondered if there were beings that were so large they were beyond our capabilities of perception and comprehension.
Blonde: That, like, totally doesn’t make any sense.
Man: Why not?
Blonde: ‘Cause, like, when it rained on them, then we’d get washed away. Duh.
–6 train
Barista: Man, I need some Vicodin.
Female customer: Let me look in my bag. [Looks in bag] No, must be in my other bag. My butterfly bag.
Barista: Oh.
Female customer: Last year, when I was depressed, a friend of mine took all my drugs. Then I went to her place, and I said, “Hey, can I have my drugs back?” So she gives me this one bottle. And later I go in her bathroom, and I look in the medicine cabinet, and they’re all right there. I mean, why would she leave them there? She had to know I’d just go in there and take them back.
Barista: Ah.
Female customer: And later I went to a party–you know, that rooftop party–and someone stole all my OxyContin.
Barista: I was just kidding. I’ve had a stressful day.
–Alt.Coffee, Ave A between St Mark’s & 9th
Dumb blonde #1: Yeah, so, like, Photoshop is better for, like, for photos, and Illustrator is better for, like, illustrations, and InDesign is better for, like, designing stuff.
Dumb blonde #2: Wow, I could never be a graphics person; that’s so much software.
Dumb brunette: I could! I use Paint all the time!
–Metro-North
Woman, looking at fossil: So is this like, a thing, or did someone make this up?
–Museum of Natural History
Drunk ex-girlfriend: So what did you tell your friends you were doing tonight?
Frat boy: Going to the Mets game.
Drunk ex-girlfriend: No, really. What did they say?
Frat guy: “Hey, Dave*, what are you doing tonight?” “Going to the Mets game.” “With who?” “My ex.” “She hot?” “I’d do her again, for sure.”
Drunk ex-girlfriend: Oh, that’s so nice.
–Manhattan bound 7 train
Blonde: She’s very chesty. Let me just say, I’ve seen her with no clothes on many times, and she has like the biggest tits I’ve ever seen. Seriously.
Boyfriend: Can you draw me a picture?
Brunette: I can’t believe you just told him that!
Blonde: What? Hell, I talk like that about all my friends.
Brunette: God, what do you say about me?
Blonde: That you have some of the smallest tits I’ve ever seen.
Brunette: These aren’t small!
–A train
Brooklyn guy: All I’m sayin’ is it goes without sayin’.
–Brooklyn bound D train
Overheard by: Robert Barry Francos
Hoochie on cell: I don’t want that. I’m looking for sauce. Sauce sauce sauce sauce sauce! S-A-U-S-C-E. Sauce!
–Waldbaum’s, Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Liz the Overheardista
Teen girl: Do you think Christmas will ever be on Friday the 13th?
–Times Square
Woman in elevator: She said 13…Where’s 13? What the… fuck? There’s no 13. Should I press 12? Or 14? What?…She said 13. Well I’ll just press both.
–22nd & Broadway
Overheard by: staring at the button for 13
Elderly woman, regarding painting: Would you look at the detail he put into this. It almost looks two dimensional.
–The Met
Overheard by: s.gothman
Tween boy: Did the dinosaurs come before or after Bible times?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Omg! He did not just ask that!
Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.
–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd
Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: PDJ
