Bimbette: So, I’m thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend.
Friend: Why?
Bimbette: Because he cut his hair.
Friend: That’s just stupid.
Bimbette: No, you don’t understand how upset I was — he looked like he was in the Army.
Friend: So?
Bimbette: What if the terrorists think I’m with him? They’d bomb us both, and that’s just not happening.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: QuietOne
Barnard girl #1: Wait, so he broke up with you? What a jerk!
Barnard girl #2: I know, but whatever — it’s his loss.
Barnard girl #1: But did he even tell you why? What a piece of shit.
Barnard girl #2: Well, no. But I think it had something to do with me not liking guys or the fact that I slept with his sister, but he didn’t tell why, exactly.
Barnard girl #1: Um, yeah, okay then.
–118th & Lex
Guy #1: Sounds like she really misses you.
Guy #2: Yeah, she does, but what am I supposed to do? If you’re not happy, you’re not happy. What? Am I supposed to suffer just to make her happy? I’m not Jesus.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Vivek
Boy #1: They’ve been broken up for two weeks and she’s still suckin’ his dick.
Boy #2: Yeah.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill campus
Overheard by: Brendan
Girlfriend: Will you love me forever and ever?
Boyfriend: Yes, even if you broke up with me and shot me and cut me into little bits and set the bits on fire.
Girlfriend: I would never break up with you.
–Central Park
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Guy: He was like, “My girlfriend gained all this weight, and that’s why I left her,” and all of the girls were like, “Gasp! You monster!” And then he was like, “But it was, like, 95 pounds!” and all of the girls were like, “Gasp! Eww! Gross!”
–Party, 16th & 1st
Scottish guy #1: No, I don’t like her. Should I break up with her?
Scottish guy #2: Yes, definitely!
Scottish guy #1: Nah, I think I’ll rent a stretch limo, take her to see Mamma Mia in Glasgow for Valentine’s and rent a hotel room and then break up with her.
Scottish guy #2: What?
Scottish guy #1: What, is that bad?
–Planet Hollywood, Times Square
Overheard by: Cherie
Hobo: I wish my girlfriend was here! We went to the supermarket fifteen years ago, and she never came back. “I’ll be right back,” she said, but she never came back! Sixteen years, and I’m giving up.
–64th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ash
Mom: So I talked to the lawyers this morning, honey, and when school is done, we’re going to move into the Hampton house.
5-year-old son: Is Daddy coming?
Mom: No sweetie, he is going to stay in the city.
–71 Irving Place Coffee & Tea Bar
Overheard by: DBG
