Guy #1: Is this the place?
Guy #2: Yeah, man. Does the pope shit in the woods?
Guy #1: No, dude. He doesn’t.
–7th St & Ave A
Guy #1: Is this the place?
Guy #2: Yeah, man. Does the pope shit in the woods?
Guy #1: No, dude. He doesn’t.
–7th St & Ave A
High schooler #1: I want to give up something for Lent, but I’m not sure what.
High schooler #2: Why don’t you give up TV?
High schooler #1: What?! Are you crazy? I would just die! Especially in the winter months — my face would just melt off.
–BX10 bus, Bronx
Overheard by: Princessbeena
Teacher: So in Christianity, if you’re good, what do you get when you die?
Ghetto girl #1: Money?
Teacher: No.
Ghetto girl #2: You get to go to heaven.
Teacher: Yes!
Ghetto girl #1: What? Is that a true story?
Ghetto girl #2: No, Tashanda,* that’s religion.
–New Design High School
Overheard by: god
Girl: He was wearing a t-shirt that said ‘My Jewish Mother Gave Me Two Options: Law school or Medical school.’
Guy: I like that. I should make a shirt for my friend that says ‘My Irish Catholic Mother Gave Me Two Options: Marry the Asshole Who Knocked Me Up and Live a Life of Alcoholic Domestic Violence or Join the Sisters of Saint Ignatius.’ ‘Cause clearly she chose neither.
Girl: What do you mean?
Guy: She said, ‘To hell with this religious bullshit,’ had an abortion, got her MBA, and is now a Junior VP at a Midtown PR firm.
Girl: Are you trying to say that religion is bullshit?
Guy, patting girl on head: No, sweetie. You go find yourself that guy wearing the Jewish mother t-shirt and you’ll be fine.
–R train
Teacher: Do you know who the Evangelists were?
Student: Weren’t they, like, God’s bitches?
–Parson’s Art History class
Blonde Teen: So I’m taking that religion class.
Brunette Teen: Oh yeah? The one where you read the Bible right?
Blonde teen: Yeah that one. And get this, we are about to start reading the Book of Proverbs.
Brunette Teen: Oh My God! I didn’t know the Bible had a grammar section.
Blonde Teen: Me neither!!
Brunette Teen: Oh man, I bet it totally tells you how to speak like God… Except properly, you know?
Blonde Teen: [Gasp] I bet it totally does.
Brunette Teen: Ugh! I wish I had taken that class.
–The Original Ray’s Pizza
Hipster girl: Oh my god! You’re Catholic? I’m Catholic, too!
Guy: Really?
Hipster girl: Yeah! Well, not really.
Guy: So you just say you’re Catholic, just in case? Do you believe in everything, just in case?
Hipster girl: No! Well, I guess so. I’m also Jewish.
–20th St & Park
Overheard by: vic
Customer You Greek?
Waitress: Greek Orthodox.
Customer: So you’re Greek.
Waitress: No, that’s my religion, they call it Greek Orthodox.
Customer: But you’re from Greece, right?
Waitress: No, Belarus.
Customer: Russia?
Waitress: Belarus. It’s the former USSR. It’s between Russia and Poland.
Customer: I never heard of it. It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s not small.
Customer: It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s the size of France. France is quite big, actually.
Customer: I better look at a map.
Waitress: Yeah, you’d better.
–Diner, Park Slope
Singing hobo: I’m gonna praise Him! I’m gonna thank Him in His naaaame!
Dude #1 gives the hobo a dollar.
Singing hobo: Thank you. God bless you.
Dude #2: Dude, my balls still hurt.
Dude #1: Did you take anything?
–Northbound N
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Guy: If I can be a good crackhead, I can be a good Christian.
–A train
