Store clerk: This is a good TV, but ma’am, it’ll probably be obsolete in about three or five years.
Old lady: That’s fine, ’cause I’ll probably be obsolete in three or five years.
–Best Buy, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Emily
Store clerk: This is a good TV, but ma’am, it’ll probably be obsolete in about three or five years.
Old lady: That’s fine, ’cause I’ll probably be obsolete in three or five years.
–Best Buy, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Emily
Clerk #1: I’ve always wanted to start my own magazine.
Clerk #2: Yeah, but there are so many magazines out!
Clerk #3: I’ve always wanted to start my own T-shirt company.
–American Apparel, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by:
Girl: Is this the cheapest copy of Steal This Book that you have?
Cashier: Yeah, we only have that one new.
Girl: So then this isn’t exactly a used bookstore, is it?
Cashier: Well, you are going to use it, right?
–Village Bookstore, St. Marks
Customer: You got anything for a model in here? My niece is a model, and I gotta get her something for her birthday!
Salesgirl: Yes, ma’am, we have some dresses over here.
Customer: ‘Cause she’s a model, and I gotta get her something… [holding up a scarf] is this good for a model?
Salesgirl: Well, yes, do you think she’d like those colors?
Customer: Oh, I don’t know! Who knows what these models want anyway! Do you have a knife?
Salesgirl: What?
Customer: A knife! A knife! So I can cut this open! [Produces large block of orange cheese from her coat]Salesgirl: Um, ma’am, there’s no eating in the store.
Customer: I know that! I’m not gonna eat it! I just want to open it! Jesus!
Salesgirl: Let me get my manager.
–Pookie and Sebastian, 36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jenna Blackburn
Tourist lady: People are so mean here. I think they should just give bin Laden the nuclear warhead and let him take this place out. Make this Ground Zero.
Pet-Adoption man: Uh…
Tourist lady: And I’m a nice person.
–Pet adoption kiosk, Union Square
Overheard by: Frightened for the Homeless Kitten’s Life
Cashier #1: I’ve tried to lose weight, but it’s hard.
Cashier #2: You just need a diet chicken.
Cashier #1, after a pause: What the hell is a diet chicken?
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Candy
Court clerk: Your summons says you must serve on the grand jury. Why are you asking for a postponement?
Juror: 4 weeks is too much.
Court clerk: It’s too much for everyone [waves hand at other 200 potential jurors], yet somehow I don’t see everyone storming the Bastille. You’re serving.
–NY State Supreme Court, Centre St
Overheard by: TW
Clerk: 20 copies [of ELLE Decor]?
Older man: My Hamptons house is on the cover.
Younger woman: Actually, it’s not his house anymore.
Older man: It’s my ex-wife’s.
Younger woman: Yeah, he traded the house for me!
–Magazine shop, Gramercy
Six young guys are trying to check into the Hotel Chelsea late on Saturday night of Pride Weekend.
Desk clerk: Two beds for four men, not six! Not six men for two beds. [Pause] That’s a different hotel!
–Hotel Chelsea, W. 23rd St
Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you.
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Headline by: jgordon
Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy
· “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire
· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny
· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr
· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan
· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB
· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette
· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul
· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal
· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill
· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette
· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr
· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g
· “I am one size fits all” – twosko
