Woman: Are these shirts still buy one, get one free?
Cashier lady: Um, I have no idea. Let me check.
She goes check signs and asks managers.
Cashier lady: No, they’re not. I’m not sure they ever were buy one, get one free.
Woman: Oh, I was just kidding. I wanted to see what you would say. I figured it was worth a shot.
Cashier lady: Oh, well thanks for making me walk all over the store for no reason.
Woman: That’s how you get success, honey.
–The Gap, 18th & 5th
Woman #1: So I organized my closet–
Woman #2: Ohmigod, I love that! It’s like a natural high! Did you put things in boxes?
Woman #1: No, bags.
Woman #2: Ohmigod! Did you label them?
Woman #1: Yeah, I put stickers on them.
Woman #2: Ohmigod, that’s great!
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Anastasia
Fat woman #1: Why do people keep asking me [about the long line]? Do I have one of those approachable faces?
Fat woman #1: The guy thing is, she has no problem attracting. And anyone willing to put out will never get love. Doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20.
Fat woman #1: I am a soup lover!
Fat woman #1: Look at the makeup on this lady with the green hat coming up! She takes the crosstown bus sometimes. Spectacular. Spectacular. Can you imagine if Joe saw that? He’d come over and ask her out.
Fat woman #2: That’s everyday?
Fat woman #1: That’s not special, not Halloween. I love it when she wears her army fatigues. She wears the jacket, the pants…
Fat woman #2: What are you in the mood for? Something chicken noodley or something exotic?
Fat woman #1: I might get two!
Fat woman #1: So Yen Ling. I asked her, “What do you want to be called? Yen or Yen Ling?” She says, “Yen Ling”, I say, “Fine.” So I’m going around introducing her and she’s saying “Yen”, “Yen”, “Yen.” It’s just like, if you want to be called Yen Ling, why are you saying “Yen”?
Fat woman #2: What’s her last name?
Fat woman #1: Yu.
Fat woman #2: Yu?
Fat woman #1: It’s one of those.
Fat woman #2: Sounds like a comedy routine. “Who?” “Yu!”
Fat woman #1: “Who, you?”
Note: The Nazi was sold out of crab bisque, and all of the meaty soups except for mulligatawny.
–42nd & 5th
Queer: Can you hold this shirt for me ’til tomorrow?
Shop trannie: No, we can’t put costumes on hold.
Queer: Well, I want to be, like, this Louis XIV go-go boy, and I already got the short shorts and everything, and this shirt would go perfect but I just can’t afford it ’til tomorrow.
–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: sharyn jackson
Girl: Do you have any more slut-nurses?
Counter guy: No, we’re all out of slut-nurses, but we have some slut-devils and some slut-flight attendents.
–Ricky’s, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
Guy: What’s she going as for Halloween?
Girl: A newsie.
Guy: Oh.
Girl: I knew she’d steal my idea, stupid ho-bag.
–Elevator, Water Street Residence
Overheard by: Dan & Travis
Guy: I’ve always loved this mask, it’s so cool.
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: I mean, I guess I should, considering…
Girl: Right.
Guy: I mean, I was in the movie.
Girl: That was like a decade ago.
Guy: So?
Girl: Yeah, but you were a fucking extra. And you didn’t even have a single line.
–Ricky’s, 22nd & 3rd
Guy: What is this, All Harlots’ Eve?
–3rd Avenue & 8th Street
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Hobo: Oh, lady got some nice threads. Those be Gucci or Calvin Klein or some shit like that?
Preggers: No sir, these threads be maternity.
–R train
NYU chick: What are these stupid, weird underpants you put on me?
West Indian nurse lady: They’re called diapers. You lost control of yourself when you passed out.
–Beth Israel Emergency Room, 1st Avenue
Guy: You know that game, Operation–
Girl: Yeah, it’s in your pants!
–Luca Lounge, Avenue B
