Lady: Are you from Miami?
Girl wearing a Phillies shirt: No, why?
Lady: Your shirt.
–104th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Lady: Are you from Miami?
Girl wearing a Phillies shirt: No, why?
Lady: Your shirt.
–104th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
A teen girl punches her father repeatedly in the arm.
Older sister: You know he can’t feel that, right? He’s wearing a leather jacket.
Teen girl: What?
Older sister: Yeah, that’s why motorcyclists wear leather, so they don’t get their skin scraped off when they go sliding across the pavement.
Teen girl: Oh! So if I punch a cow, it can’t feel it?
–The Plaza
Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you.
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Headline by: jgordon
Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy
· “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire
· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny
· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr
· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan
· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB
· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette
· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul
· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal
· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill
· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette
· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr
· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g
· “I am one size fits all” – twosko
Hot queer in suit: I swear if one more thing goes wrong, I’m just going to pull my skirt over my head and scream!
–Broadway & 51st
Guy: It’s almost enough to make me try women.
–8th between 39th & 40th
Chick #1 It’s not like I told him I wasn’t wearing underwear. He asked me. I was so offended!
Chick #2: But you don’t wear underwear, and you were wearing a see-through top.
Chick #1: OK, that’s totally not the point.
–1 train uptown platform, 28th St
Girl: So did you ask your mom if you can go to the party or not?
Guy: Oh yeah! She said yes. But she made me promise to not come home this time with no pants on.
Girl: Seems fair.
–Rite Aid, Lex Ave
Overheard by: Jack
Girl #1: I told you I finally got that bag right? It was marked down to $200 and…
Guy: My god! Can you stop talking to me, your breath stinks!
Silence until they exit at 96th St.
Girl #2 to friend: Dang, guys are mad grimey these days. He coulda been a gentleman and offered the sista a stick of gum or something.
–1 train
Overheard by: Shea
Tween to her mom: Oh look, it’s those shoes you can eat! Wait, can you eat them? Oh, no, these aren’t the edible ones.
–Payless, Upper West Side
Overheard by: embarrassed to have been in payless
Girl #1: So he was at my house and we were like, fooling around on my bed, and I was lying on top of him, but then I made him get up.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because if he got turned on, got hard, came, his zipper fell down a little and some come got on my pants and while I was taking off my pants it brushed my underwear and then went inside me, I could totally get pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh, right.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Samantha Thomas