Old guy on cell: I don’t know, thinking about going to the movies. Maybe I’ll see The Devil in Miss Prada.
–Mcburney YMCA, W 14th St
Girl: Yeah I sold my soul to the devil. I was like, “Hey, devil, can I sell you my soul?” And he was like, “Okay.”
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Natasha
Queer: And, futhermore, we all know that the Devil does not wear Prada. He wears flame-retardant knock-offs from Target.
–Chelsea
Boyfriend: Oooh, you look pretty in that dress.
Girlfriend: You’re revolting. Don’t touch me.
Queer buddy: Jeremy, this is your stop. Penn Station. Get out.
Boyfriend: No it isn’t. This is 96th Street.
Girlfriend: Do you have any idea how much I hate you? Stop touching me.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: Shane
Woman: And I was like, “Do you want my breasts to make the copies for you”?
–9th Ave
Overheard by: Michelle
Bag lady: Hey, those tits look great on you!
–Maiden & William
Overheard by: thanks, but they’re not fake
Airport security guard, to woman going through the security line: I said outerwear not underwear!
–LaGuardia Airport
Lady: Are you from Miami?
Girl wearing a Phillies shirt: No, why?
Lady: Your shirt.
–104th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
A teen girl punches her father repeatedly in the arm.
Older sister: You know he can’t feel that, right? He’s wearing a leather jacket.
Teen girl: What?
Older sister: Yeah, that’s why motorcyclists wear leather, so they don’t get their skin scraped off when they go sliding across the pavement.
Teen girl: Oh! So if I punch a cow, it can’t feel it?
–The Plaza
Guy: Yeah, these Speedos won’t work for me. My dick’s too big for them. They never fit right.
Shopgirl: I’ve never seen a customer with that problem. Let’s see what else fits your.. you.
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Headline by: jgordon
Runners-Up:
· “A cock and bull story” – Guy
· “Finally, it matters.” – Ben Allaire
· “Try to contain yourself” – Jenny
· “We’ll just ignore the fact that your ass is too big for them, too” – Silvyr
· “Talk about a suspicious package…” – girlhattan
· “Clerks III: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – JB
· “Everybody Wants to Fit In” – Dave Barnette
· “Pop Goes The Weasel” – Paul
· “He has the same problem with hats” – Kendal
· “If she keeps talking like that, they’ll fit even worse.” – bill
· “Quite a Pickle” – Dave Barnette
· “Speedon’t” – Sean McGurr
· “Too big for his britches” – suzie g
· “I am one size fits all” – twosko
Hot queer in suit: I swear if one more thing goes wrong, I’m just going to pull my skirt over my head and scream!
–Broadway & 51st
Guy: It’s almost enough to make me try women.
–8th between 39th & 40th
Chick #1 It’s not like I told him I wasn’t wearing underwear. He asked me. I was so offended!
Chick #2: But you don’t wear underwear, and you were wearing a see-through top.
Chick #1: OK, that’s totally not the point.
–1 train uptown platform, 28th St
Girl: So did you ask your mom if you can go to the party or not?
Guy: Oh yeah! She said yes. But she made me promise to not come home this time with no pants on.
Girl: Seems fair.
–Rite Aid, Lex Ave
Overheard by: Jack
Girl #1: I told you I finally got that bag right? It was marked down to $200 and…
Guy: My god! Can you stop talking to me, your breath stinks!
Silence until they exit at 96th St.
Girl #2 to friend: Dang, guys are mad grimey these days. He coulda been a gentleman and offered the sista a stick of gum or something.
–1 train
Overheard by: Shea
