Receptionist #1: Can you just please go to McDonald’s for me?
Receptionist #2: Fine, let me just take off my pants.
–57th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bdizzle
Receptionist #1: Can you just please go to McDonald’s for me?
Receptionist #2: Fine, let me just take off my pants.
–57th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bdizzle
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
Thug boy: Yo, nigga, why you wearin’ a tie? You gotta go to court?
Teacher: No.
Thug girl: I bet you gotsta go to a funeral. Somebody got kilt, right?
Teacher: No, I just thought I would wear a tie for my first day. I’m a new teacher here.
Thug guy: Yeah, no shit you new, dressin’ like the fuckin’ president or some shit. You gonna get your dumb ass jumped.
Teacher: For dressing nicely?
Thug girl: Stupid ass white people don’t know shit about livin’ in New York.
–Franklin K Lane HS, Brooklyn
Overheard by: jeff lebowski
Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn’t afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn’t afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]
–Uptown E train
Teenage half-virgin boy: Did you know the official definition of an orgy is three people sitting in a room with their socks off?
Teenage one-quarter-virgin girl: No way! Then we have orgies all the time!
–SoHo
Overheard by: disgusted old lady.
Girl on cell: I was like, “Back up, bitch. Get off your high horse and don’t ever talk to me again.” Such a bitch. And the thing is, she’s not even cute. Like, she has no right! She’s a fucking bitch, and she’s ugly! It’s one thing to be a bitch, but to be one when you’re ugly? You just don’t do that.
–19th & Broadway
Aspiring fashionista: I don’t know what I’d do if I had a kid and it was ugly. I’d probably die of embarassment or something. Maybe I should adopt. Can you, like, ask the adoption people to give you a good-looking child or something?
–SoHo
Flight attendant: We will be dimming the cabin lighting, as it greatly improves the attractiveness of your in-flight crew.
–JetBlue flight, JFK
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Father, to kids: Good job, guys! So [the doctor] says you’re ugly, but healthy.
–Pediatrics office, Tribeca
Buff girl on cell: Yeah, well, she accused me of being mean. She insulted this new dress I was wearing at the party and was all like, “Ew that is so ugly,” which was kinda bitchy, don’t you think? So I told her, “That’s because it would look like shit on you.”…Whatever. It’s true.
–NYSC, Whitestone
Overheard by: Karen
Mid-20’s woman #1: What’s the best way to get puke out of leather?
Mid-20’s woman #2: I think you’re too old to be asking that question.
–140th & Broadway
Girl #1: Did you see that Italian lady offer me her seat on the subway?
Girl #2: Yeah, so?
Girl #1: So, it’s the shirt. This fucking expensive shirt makes me look pregnant.
Girl #2: So don’t wear it anymore.
Girl #1: No, it was expensive. I’d rather look like a well-dressed, knocked-up slut than a single girl with sub-par taste in clothing.
–AOL Time Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Teen boy #1: Well, it’s too bad once they have their clothes off you can’t get rid of them.
Teen boy #2: Oh, well I’d be like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You beast!”
Teen boy #1: Yeah, I guess you can do that. Just like get them naked and then analyze their bodies, and then dismiss them.
Teen boy #2: Exactly!
–86th & 19th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kelly
Teen girl: You know, they should have wet t-shirt contests but with legs.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Katwoman
