Employee: That’ll be $2.79
Customer who ordered Hi-C and fries: Why wasn’t the Hi-C 99 cents?
Employee: You didn’t ask for the 99-cent one.
Customer: Well, I want the 99-cent one. I’m not Sean John… I look like Sean John… I’m related to Sean John.
–Wendy’s, 56th & 8th
Customer: Can you tell me if there are any locations in the Washington DC or Baltimore areas?
Secretary: Um where is Baltimore?
Customer: It’s in Maryland.
Secretary: No, we don’t have any in Maryland… And DC — where is DC?
Customer: Like, Washington DC…
Secretary: It says we don’t have any in that state. There’s some close by in Arizonia and California though.
Customer: No, Washington DC — like, our nation’s capitol.
Secretary: No, I don’t think so. Sorry, I’m not so good with geography.
–Brite Smile, 57th St
Overheard by: Tracey G
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Manager: Lettuce.
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Manager: Romaine.
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that?
–Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
Woman: How’s the paella?
Waitress: It’s good. It comes with clams and the whole nine yards.
–Panchito’s, Macdougal St.
Customer: My MetroCard isn't working.
Booth agent: Is it expired?
Customer: No, it's good until the end of the year.
Booth agent, looking at card: You're right, let me check it. (swipes card) Oh, you can't use it today because you already used it tomorrow.
Customer, looking confused: Oh-kaaay…
Booth agent: I will buzz you through today, but see your office administrator about this.
–86th & Lexington
Patron: What do you suggest if I don't want red meat?
Luger's waiter: Another restaurant.
–Peter Luger's
Overheard by: glad I didn't ask for their tofu dish
Customer: I would like a coffee, a white coffee.
Barista: Excuse me, sir? You’d like…white chocolate in your coffee? We don’t do that.
Customer: Mo, I mean…like a black coffee, but with milk…a white coffee?
Barista: Where are you from, sir?
Customer: Near London, in England.
Barista: That’s the fourth one today, you English are crazy!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Adrian
White guy exiting bodega: Yo! As-salam alaykum!
Middle Eastern guy behind counter: Hey! Kick his ass, sea-bass!
–Astoria
Overheard by: ChrisW
Customer, waiting for credit card to be approved: You sell a lot of toys here.
Bewildered cashier: Yes. That we do.
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
