Customer: Are any of your soups vegetarian?
Soup guy: Yes, the lentil and vegetable soups are.
Customer: I don’t trust you.
Soup guy: I make the soups.
Customer: Well, I just don’t trust you.
Soup guy, to next customer: Can I help you?
Customer: Hang on now, I still don’t trust you!
–Pax, 40th & 6th Ave
Woman buying bagel: Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. I guess you’re not sleeping with my roommate anymore.
Bagel cashier: Hey! How have you been?
–Flatbush Ave
Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon–almost burnt–wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight…
–The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn
Woman: Wow, your face is really red! What happened, sunburn?
Cashier girl: No…allergic reaction.
Woman: Ooh…what are you allergic to?
Cashier girl: Rude, obnoxious and tactless customers.
Woman: Oh, so you get a lot of those, hmm?
Cashier girl: Ugh…Oh yeah, I forgot, and stupid ones that don’t get subtlety, either.
–Stop & Shop, Long Island City
Overheard by: mshorty
Customer: I’ll take four glazed, and you pick the others.
Donut guy: So, fill up the rest with stale ones?
–Dunkin Donuts, Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Customer: I’ll have a large espresso.
Barista: Coffee?
Customer: No, black tar heroin!
Barista: Right away, sir.
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Girl: What kind of movie do you suggest?
Gay employee: Oh, a romantic comedy.
Girl: That’s gay.
Gay employee: I know!
–Lowes on Broadway
Overheard by: B
Customer to woman behind fish counter: Are you Italian?
Woman behind fish counter: No. I get accused of being Italian a lot. I'm just Jewish.
–Zabar's, Upper West Side
Overheard by: zabarian
Female cashier about to ring up sandwich order: What do you have?
20-something guy: Subway club.
Female cashier, not looking at sandwich: What size?
20-something guy: Mine's 12 inches.
Girl behind in line, to friend: Yeah, I bet.
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Nancy
UPS employee: Ma'am, you're going to have to calm down.
Angry customer: Lady, you're lucky I ain't got a hot cup of piss on me right now, 'coz you would be wearing it.
–Post Office, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Amused yet disturbed
