Guy: Why won’t you spend time with me?
Chick: Because I don’t want to date you, remember? I don’t like you.
Guy: C’mon, let’s go away for the weekend. Let’s go to St. John’s — I’ll pay.
Chick: That would make me a whore.
Guy: So, let’s go.
–Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: S
Girl #1: …I mean, I can think of plenty better reasons why I shouldn’t date him than the fact that we’re semi-related.
Girl #2: …Um, I don’t think a better reason exists than that one.
Girl #1: You are really turning it into something that it’s not. the key word here is “semi”.
Girl #2: No! The key word here is “related“!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station
Dominican guy: I really like your haircut.
Brooklyn guy: Yeah, the women at work really liked it, but I never take anything they say seriously because I know how ugly I am.
Dominican guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know like when women say “I want to be with you,” but they really don't do that…
Brooklyn guy: Okay, this is the only thing that is going to be true of what I say from now on. Every girl I asked out has said yes, but didn't mean it.
Dominican guy: Is this a hypothetical situation?
–Harlem
Chick: You think I won’t step up and kick some nigga’s ass just because I’m a bitch? I’m bisexual. Yeah, I’m bisexual: I’m half bitch, half nigga.
–Q train
Overheard by: Reb Stu
Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?
–47th & Lex
Gay thug #1: I wasn’t hitting on you, I was still with my ex-boyfriend then.
Gay thug #2: Then? Nigga, I wasn’t even gay eight months ago.
–Wendy’s, W. 3rd Street
Overheard by: Lizzy Vegas
Chick: I am so gonna marry your friend Chris!
Guy: You can’t. He’s gay.
–Union Square
Girl: …and he was like so interesting. We talked all night long, and I was thinking I’m so gonna marry this guy–
Guy: Oh, honey. You can’t.
Girl: Why not?
Guy: I’m dating him.
–42nd & 8th
Bald, dorky white guy on date: What kind of Italian restaurant doesn’t have Chicken Parmesan on the menu?
Homely-looking white girl on date: I know.
–Isola, 83rd & Columbus
Girl #1: I just don’t think I’m his type. He’s very intellectual.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: He’s all “yada yada yada” and I’m very “What’s your favorite Starburst?”
–Cosi, 31st & Park
Overheard by: Clara
Girl #1: Ha, ha, you said first was the worst.
Girl #2: No, I said, “first was the burst.”
Girl #1: What the heck does that mean?
Girl #2: It means…Starburst.
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Brooklyn guy to buddy: Man, that chick is the hottest chick in the whole world. Well, except one — Ariel. Ohhh, Ariel. You know, the little mermaid?
–31st St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Man, if a girl is hot enough that you want get with her, and she’s single… You know she’s gotta be fucked up in the head.
–C train
Girl on cell: Oh, yeah, he was so hot. I made eye contact with him, like, two times, so I guess we’re basically dating now.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Audrey Monaco
Trendy teen: Down Syndrome is so hot right now!
–Tompkins Square Park
Woman on cell: But how hot can a cactus get?
–Bed, Bath & Beyond
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: You only think she’s hot because her family has money.
–26th St & 8th Ave
