Guy: I’m in love!
Girl: Awwww.
Guy: With marijuana.
Girl: Oh.
–18th & 10th
Overheard by: John K
Guy: I’m in love!
Girl: Awwww.
Guy: With marijuana.
Girl: Oh.
–18th & 10th
Overheard by: John K
Skateboarder on cell: I was just at the spot and there was no car. Fuck, I know what a car looks like and it wasn’t there. Are you sure it was a white Lexus? Fuck you, it wasn’t there. I got eyes, you know. Well then fuck off and go buy your own damn drugs!
–3rd Ave & 9th St
British tourist guy: Come on, think, how many hours have spent together sober?
British touris girl: Two and a half.
British tourist guy: Now, how many hours have we spent together stoned?
British tourist girl: Two and a half … thousand!
–Q train
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Do-gooder: Excuse me, you’re not allowed to smoke in here.
Stoner lady: My bad, you want some?
Do-gooder: Um, no thanks, can you just put it out.
Stoner lady: Yeah, I used to do cocaine too, but it got too messy.
–1 train
Crackhead: If my wife looked like you, I would stop smoking crack and get a job.
Businessgirl: Thanks.
–53rd & 7th
Stoner #1: I dare you to snort this pixie stick.
Stoner #2: But I only have a five dollar bill.
Stoner #1: So, what’s the problem?
Stoner #2: Dude, you can’t snort with a five dollar bill. That’s just wrong. It has to be at least a twenty. God, have some dignity.
–Stuyvesant High School
Sidewalk vendor #1 to friend: So, and now tell me honestly, is it better to have sex high or not-high?
Sidewalk vendor #2: What are you talking about, of course high is better!
Sidewalk vendor #1: Would you shut up and let the man answer?! Christ, no manners with this one. [To friend] So which is it?
–Broadway @ 112th
Overheard by: Matthew Daniel
Mature woman to mature husband, going in to see The Light in the Piazza: Piazza — it means “little pizza.”
–Beaumont Theatre, Lincoln Center
Chick on cell: I woke up the next morning and there was a thong that said “eat me” on it in my bag!
–Warren Hall, Columbia Law School
Old man: What?
Old lady: [silence]
Old man: What?
Old lady: She said “Reefer,” not “queefer”!
Old man: What’s the difference?
Thug: The smell.
–3 train
