Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!

–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St

Overheard by: Nicky

Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: megan

Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!

–143 & Malcolm X

Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.

–NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Posted on May 4, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Iraq, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Rack, Security Guards, Shea Stadium, Stupidity, War, Weirdness, Women

Like the Hollywood Strings’ Version of “Hey, Jude”?

NYU dude: Muffled i-Pod noises are the new elevator music.
NYU chick: I miss the old elevator music.

–Elevator, Silver Center, NYU

Posted on April 24, 2015
Elevators, Music, NYU, Students

The Mistake Is Starting Any Conversation With ‘Scientists Say’

Guy #1: Did you know that scientists say that sperm smells?
Guy #2: Do you mean that sperm can smell its way to the pussy or that sperm just smells in general?

–Elevator, Tribeca

Posted on March 23, 2015
Elevators, Idiots, Science, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

They Used to Be

Guy: So you went out with this great guy, and then he just told you he’s a girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: I just love having these crazy conversations in the elevator, and everyone thinks you’re insane.

Doors open. Everyone gets out.

Guy: This is your floor? Oh no! Those people are your neighbors!

–Elevator, 96th & Columbus

Posted on March 17, 2015
Dating, Elevators, Friends, Sexuality, Talking/Convos

Someone Has to Set Our Gender Back

College girl #1: Yeah, she’s afraid to go out anywhere. She always thinks she’s going to get raped.
College girl #2: I don’t understand the big deal about rape. If it happened to me I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, it was bound to happen.’
College girl #3: Haha, you’d probably like it.
College girl #2, nodding: Yeah, I would.

–Elevator in apartment building

Overheard by: Neil

Posted on March 6, 2015
Elevators, Hootchies, Rape

Wanna Bet?

Girl #1: Just stop thinking about it, god.
Girl #2: I can't…it's just new, and big to swallow, y'know?
Girl #1: Well, I'm sure he's not thinking about it all the time.

–Elevator, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Kyle

Posted on March 4, 2015
Elevators, Girls, Height, Penis

Welcome Back to School, New York

Girl: Yo! What we did in English today?

–24th between 7th & 8th

Orientation girl: We have three orientations going on right now: Gallatin, CAS and Stern. GSP orientation starts next week.
Guy: GSP? Isn’t that the special ed NYU?

–Elevator, NYU Kimmel Center

Girl on cell: Well, what do you think I should wear?…Nah, I mean isn’t the first day of school a sort of wear underwear day?

–86th & Lex

Posted on February 27, 2015
Education, Elevators, NYU

Because Nothing Says Hilarity Like Catholicism

Suit #1: No sir, the kids don’t have school off tomorrow. You believe that?
Suit #2: Wait, the Catholic Schools don’t close for the Jewish holidays? You’re kidding me!

–Elevator, Park & 33rd

Overheard by: Nick Jezarian

Posted on February 21, 2015
Catholics, Elevators, Holidays, Jews, Kids, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Places, Suits

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face!

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: thorn

Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: erkala

Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy.

–81st & 1st

Overheard by: Tim

Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off.

–32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: k

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Elevators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, Happiness, Holidays, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Punch, Singing, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Overheard in the Headlines

An elevator equipped with a TV monitor shows a news segment of a man who just rescued a person swept away by floodwaters in California.

Yuppie Prick #1: Wow, that guy is fat. Can you imagine him saving anyone?
Yuppie Prick #2: Nope!
Fat Bystander: Not unless it was your miserable ass in the water, and he was savin’ you, jerkoff!

–Midtown elevator

Posted on February 2, 2015
Diet/Weight, Elevators, Yuppies

Elevators

Wanna Bet?