Girl #1: You’re a doctor?
Girl #2: Yeah–you didn’t know that?
Girl #1: Well, I only know you on a wrestling level.
Girl #3: Wow, that is *so* New York.
–Rooftop party, Bedford St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Girl #1: You’re a doctor?
Girl #2: Yeah–you didn’t know that?
Girl #1: Well, I only know you on a wrestling level.
Girl #3: Wow, that is *so* New York.
–Rooftop party, Bedford St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Conductor: [Steps out of the booth.] People, let me tell you about the day I’ve been having. Hold on. [Makes an announcement and steps back out.] First of all, we get a report that there are two men making love in the last train and have to go in there to break it up. Then we get two homeless women in here with all their bags and this lady all throwing a fit because they smell. The homeless woman says to her: “You better be getting out of my face!” and the yelling lady tries to grab her bags, she pulls out pepper spray and gets her right in the face! Hold on [Jumps back into booth.] and this lady right, she has her arms out in front of her face like this [crosses arms] like she got the power of Christ to protect her. We had the cops waiting at the next station and everything.
–A Train
Hipster guy: Yo! My girlfriend gave me a hickey, and now there’s a rumor that I got into a fight with a black kid.
Friend: Dude!
–Edward Murrow High School
Headline by: Justin
Runners-Up:
· “Oh Please! If That Were True You’d Have a Stab-wound, Not a Hickey.” – nosey nafia
· “Shouldn’t Have Let Her Hickey Your Eye, I Guess.” – Internev
· “That’s Funny, I’d Heard Something About a Vacuum Cleaner” – Marv in DC
· “Well, She Does Look Like Gary Coleman.” – stevevc
Old guy: Hey! You respect your elders! Don’t be disrespectful to your elders!
12-year-old boy: Shut the fuck up! Come here! Come over here! I’ll fuck you up! Fuck you!
Passerby: I’d love to see an old man and a little kid throw down in the middle of Union Square.
–Union Square
Suit on cell: I don’t understand — you’re a grown woman. Why did you start kicking him, and why are you still kicking him if he didn’t kick back?
–City Hall
Overheard by: Jenny
Ghetto girl on cell: … And I still have to punch her in the face for telling him I have TB.
–Bryant Park
Drunk mailman on cell: Oh, yeah, you really should come and hang out! I’m gonna kick someone’s ass tonight!
–13th & 3rd
Overheard by: rachel
Chick: Yeah, well, at least I don’t have to go to anger management classes, Mom!
–Central Park
Ghetto chick: Okay, I’ll see you later. Be safe, get home safe, and if you see Simone, smack her in the mouth for me.
–LIRR
Ghetto girl to white friend: You better not say, ‘Two paths diverged in a wood,’ or I’m gonna beat yo’ ass.
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Angry girl: What do you mean you didn’t fuck up?
Boyfriend: I didn’t fuck up!
Angry girl: You got a stripper pregnant! You fucked up!
–Sandwich shop, Bleecker
Overheard by: Catie
Drunk guy: So, like, have you ever had to knock someone out?
Large bouncer: Not yet.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Drewster
Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.
–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in woman’s face.]Tough guy, to girlfriend: I’ll knock him out if he comes at me like that.
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in tough guy’s face.]Tough guy: No, thank you, sir.
Girlfriend: You didn’t knock him out.
Tough guy: Yeah, I’m a pussy.
–14th & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: I Would Have Punched Him
Woman #1, looking at Bodog Fight poster: Man, that fight can’t be real, those guys are way too old. That fight is going to suck.
Woman #2: I heard that.
Woman #1: Don’t they have fights between little celebrities?
Woman #2: Uh…
Woman #1: I think I saw Webster, you know, Emmanuel Lewis, fighting that little motherfucker from Diff’rent Strokes. What’s his real name?
Woman #2: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Woman #1: Well, that’s the fight I want to see.
–B train
