Burly man: …but that’s just me. I think it’s ridiculous for Chicago to ban foie gras when you can buy veal anywhere. How is veal any more cruel? But I admit, it’s just me. I’m a big foodie. I love the finer things in life. I just have to enjoy all the finest foods.
Dyke: But you just said you eat Taco Bell 4 times a week.
–DBA bar, 1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: common people
Man: I just don’t get it! Just last night you were complaining about how you never try anything new, but you feel like you should.
Woman: Ok, well ordering the roast duck is a little different than a threesome, Tim.
–13th & 3rd
Overheard by: Todd B
Suit #1: You fit how many carrots up there?
Suit #2: Yeah, three. I couldn’t believe it either.
Suit #1: Whoa, and you just did it for the first time this weekend? You better hope no one at the bank finds out about this!
–40th & Park
Overheard by: Nick Vilas
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!
–189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
–Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.
–Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
–Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!
–Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
–Bed-Stuy
Girl #1: My dad bugs me, too. He’s always buying orange juice because it costs less than other juices.
Girl #2: I’m sorry.
Girl #1: Now I fucking hate orange juice. What the fuck is that about? Orange juice is like a cheap whore to me now.
–Upper West Side
Queen #1: Where do you want to eat?
Queen #2: I don’t care. As long as there are no carbs, I’ll eat anything.
Queen #1: I know, let’s go there. [Points to Mexican place] You can have the beans and, ooh, they have the best corn. That’s a good carb.
Queen #2: Corn? I can’t have corn; I’m getting fucked tonight!
–51st & 9th
Hobo: Please, anything. Anything will help. I need to feed my children.
Male passenger: I got some cookies.
Hobo: Yum! I love cookies.
–6 train, 23rd & Lex
JAP #1: Yeah, I was only able to throw up breakfast and lunch today.
JAP#2: Damn! I hate when that happens.
–Bergdorf Goodman
Belgian friend: Have you ever been to Belgium?
American friend: Yes. Five times.
Belgian friend: Really? Five times? What did you think of it?
American friend: It was beautiful, and the food was fantastic. But I noticed the people there looked so sad and depressed. Although I did see a certain pride in their faces…like they know they make great products.
Belgian friend, thoughtfully: Mmmm, yes. We do make great products.
–Joyce Theater, 19th & 8th
Overheard by: Shannon
Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?
–77th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore
Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Emaline
Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?
–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd
Overheard by: Rabid-Panda
Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?
–B7 bus
Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.
–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Constintina
Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: jacqmander
