Nothing Good Ever Follows the Words ‘You People’

Hispanic woman: I love you Chinese people. You don’t gain weight like us Americans. It must be some secret Chinese roots you eat.
Young Asian girl: [Stares quizzically]Hispanic woman: You people even have all fried food and the sauce, but you stay so skinny. I love Chinese food, but it make me fat. Why it doesn’t make you people fat? It is a Chinese secret; tell me it.
Young Asian girl: I’m actually of Japanese descent, and my family has lived in Jersey since the 1920’s.
Hispanic woman: But you still skinny.

–7 train, 5th Ave/Bryant Park

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Posted on September 7, 2006
Food, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Ask: You Eating That?

JAP: Ew! I think the turkey in this salad is ham.

–30th & 7th

Overheard by: AJ Stone

Sparkling conversationalist: I couldn’t eat for a while. It destroyed my appetite, and it totally killed the tapeworm. So tonight I can eat a good amount, but not a tapeworm amount.

–Lafayette between 4th & Astor

Overheard by: uncle frank

Girl: I hate eating fish, except when my grandma makes it. She makes it taste like beef.

–Central Park

Girlfriend to boyfriend: It wasn’t just the egg roll, Jerry; it was all of last week.

–Washington Square

Discerning sniffer: It smells good in here…like Spam.

–Medical office, Canal & Bowery

Thug: Yo, do I still got mad hummus on my lip?

–F station, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: cara

Woman to little girl: You stick that in your mouth now before I shove it down your throat! I bought that ice cream, now stick it!

–11th & 1st

Overheard by: Jamieson

Posted on September 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Food, Health and Hygiene, JAPs, One-liners, Thugs, Washington Square Park

Well, My Family Does Call You Wanton

B&T shiksa: What is “kreplach”?
Jewish sugar daddy: Kreplach. It’s like wontons.
B&T shiksa: Why don’t they just call it wontons?

–Carnegie Deli, 55th & 7th

Posted on September 5, 2006
B & T, Food, Jews

That’s Just So He Doesn’t Get Fired From His Sumo Job

Burly man: …but that’s just me. I think it’s ridiculous for Chicago to ban foie gras when you can buy veal anywhere. How is veal any more cruel? But I admit, it’s just me. I’m a big foodie. I love the finer things in life. I just have to enjoy all the finest foods.
Dyke: But you just said you eat Taco Bell 4 times a week.

–DBA bar, 1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: common people

Posted on September 3, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Fat People, Food, Lesbians, Lower East Side

And, Besides, I’m Chicken

Man: I just don’t get it! Just last night you were complaining about how you never try anything new, but you feel like you should.
Woman: Ok, well ordering the roast duck is a little different than a threesome, Tim.

–13th & 3rd

Overheard by: Todd B

Posted on September 1, 2006
Food, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village

What If You Could Get Carrot Juice From Your ATM? Now You Can!

Suit #1: You fit how many carrots up there?
Suit #2: Yeah, three. I couldn’t believe it either.
Suit #1: Whoa, and you just did it for the first time this weekend? You better hope no one at the bank finds out about this!

–40th & Park

Overheard by: Nick Vilas

Posted on August 31, 2006
Food, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Suits

The Penis Mightier Than the Wednesday One-Liners

Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!

–189th St

Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.

–Red Hook

Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Madhu Maganti

Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.

–Park Avenue & 29th Street

Overheard by: 11221

Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.

–Times Square

Overheard by: laura

Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!

–Sephora, Times Square

Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on August 30, 2006
Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Places, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Bronx, Times Square, Union Square and East Village

OJ’s Kids Get Upset About the Strangest Things

Girl #1: My dad bugs me, too. He’s always buying orange juice because it costs less than other juices.
Girl #2: I’m sorry.
Girl #1: Now I fucking hate orange juice. What the fuck is that about? Orange juice is like a cheap whore to me now.

–Upper West Side

Posted on August 29, 2006
Anger Management, Dads, Family Ties, Favorites, Food, Money & Class, Parents, Prostitutes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Doesn’t Semen Have Fructose in It?

Queen #1: Where do you want to eat?
Queen #2: I don’t care. As long as there are no carbs, I’ll eat anything.
Queen #1: I know, let’s go there. [Points to Mexican place] You can have the beans and, ooh, they have the best corn. That’s a good carb.
Queen #2: Corn? I can’t have corn; I’m getting fucked tonight!

–51st & 9th

Posted on August 28, 2006
Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Food