Guys

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

Girl #1: Do Italians live in Little Italy?
Girl #2: Shh…Just, shh.
Guy: Did you really just ask that?
Girl #2: That’s why I told her to shh. I was hoping no one else heard her.
Girl #1: Well, I think it’s a legit question. All I see is Chinamen.

–Little Italy

Overheard by: Ashley

Bus driver stops in the middle of the street to pick up a friend. A second, random guy hurries on the bus as well.

Bus driver, to random guy: Yo, this ain’t no bus stop.
Random guy: Oh, I saw you pick him up, so…
Bus driver: Yeah, well I know him.
Random guy: Hi, I’m Dan.

–M1 bus, 110th & Madison

Teenage half-virgin boy: Did you know the official definition of an orgy is three people sitting in a room with their socks off?
Teenage one-quarter-virgin girl: No way! Then we have orgies all the time!

–SoHo

Overheard by: disgusted old lady.

Guy: He was like, “My girlfriend gained all this weight, and that’s why I left her,” and all of the girls were like, “Gasp! You monster!” And then he was like, “But it was, like, 95 pounds!” and all of the girls were like, “Gasp! Eww! Gross!”

–Party, 16th & 1st

Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!

–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx

Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.

–Joralemon St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Chicago Guy

Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?

–14th & 8th

Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.

–Au Bon Pain, 8th St

Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea

Tammy Ealom: When I’m in New York, I eat way too much Chinese food.
Dude: Did you go to Chinatown?
Tammy Ealom: No, just some place up the street. When you come from Denver, pretty much everything is good.

–Dressy Bessy show, Sin-e, Attorney & Stanton

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Girl: What’s that really fast train called?
Guy: Anthrax?
Girl: No, that’s allergy medicine.

–Macy’s

Girl: I think Elvis died on my birthday…No, wait, Elvis died on Madonna’s birthday. Why do I always get that confused?

–36th St

Geeky guy: Dudes, we are staying at the Bellagio. That gives us instant credibility.

–Jet Blue Terminal, JFK

Overheard by: Dungy

Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!

–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jesse

Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.

–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital

Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.

–16th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: alyssa

Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?

–Chili’s, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ada and Andi

Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.

–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th

Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.

–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria

Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?

–31st & 6th

Overheard by: plo

Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?

–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island

Overheard by: Shamrocknroll