Hipster: I love my iPod. If you try to take my iPod, I’ll take your life… and give it to somebody.
Sidekick: Yeah?
Hipster: Yeah, I love my iPod. It plays what I want to hear and tells time. If I’m gonna marry anybody, I’ll marry my iPod.
Sidekick: Yeah?
Hipster: Yeah. I’ll even put one of those little pink jacket things on it, so it’ll at least look like a girl.
Sidekick: Yeah.
–N train
Overheard by: britt
Hobo: I want to fuck you someplace fairly uncomfortable.
Hipster: Did that bum just quote Mallrats?
–Orchard St
Suit: I’d leave my wife for her if her clit didn’t taste like a spicy tuna roll.
–Chambers & Broadway
Girl on cell: I don’t care how many fingers you put in her. Bottom line is, she didn’t blow you. So I win.
–Times Square
Overheard by: shap
Utilitarian guy: A blow job is better than no job.
–Sex Work Conference, The New School
Overheard by: wendy
Girl: $50 for a 2-minute bj? I’d do it. It takes me 8 hours to make $50. Shit.
–Queens bound F train
Overheard by: Marisa
Dude: So, did she orgasm in your mouth?
–219 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Hipster: I’m thinking of getting that little string thing attached to my tongue cut off so I can eat pussy better.
–Chinatown bus
Queer #1 to queer #2: Well if I’m not giving you head and you’re not giving me head then we’ve got a problem.
–Wachovia, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Joanna
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so he really slept with her. It’s gross. She looks like a drag queen.
Hipster girl #2: If she really was a drag queen, that would be hot, though.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah.
–Union Square
“Art” chick: So your film is only 7 minutes long. What it’s about?
“Film” chick: I don’t really know what it’s about, but I can tell you what happens. It’s in a classroom, but, like, it’s really just a room…When Karen vomits in the corner, it’s really exquisite.
–DuMont, Union Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Philip
Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.
–L train
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.
–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave
Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!
–112th & Amsterdam
Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: I went at home
Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!
–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yesenia
8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!
–Green St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: twelvis
Hipster girl #1: I bet she had a frontal lobotomy.
Hipster girl #2: Really? I was thinking she might be slightly autistic.
Hipster girl #1: Maybe she’s just really happy.
–Court & Warren, Brooklyn
Hipster #1: I had beer for breakfast this morning. Beer and cheese fries. And she had ’em with me! That’s okay, man!
Hipster #2: Yeah, she’s special.
–Chinatown bus
Hipster girl: What’s up with all the Jews for Jesus stuff everywhere?
Hipster guy: I don’t know. I think Jews just try to adopt whatever’s mainstream and will make them money.
–A/C/E underpass, Times Square station
Overheard by: Al
Hipster boy, watching Mac Genius leave the store: Did you see his shirt? It just said “genius” in little letters.
Hipster girl: Ugh, that’s so Urban Outfitters.
Hipster boy: Ugh, totally.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: i sell the iPods
