Hobo: Can you spare some change for the homeless?
Drunk girl: Yeah, right. Sell that backpack first.
–4th & Broadway
Overheard by: Andrew Schulte
Hobo: Can you spare some change for the homeless?
Drunk girl: Yeah, right. Sell that backpack first.
–4th & Broadway
Overheard by: Andrew Schulte
Guy: Hey, Margie, you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
Bag lady: What do you want? I’m homeless.
–Outdoor cafe, 7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Brittany
Hobo: Hey, can you spare some money?
Man: Sorry.
Hobo: That’s my favorite board game!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Jason
Lady: Ewww! It smells like someone made a dump!
Bum shrugs.
–Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Girl #1: Yo, it’d be so cute if we both lost our virginity this weekend.
Girl #2: But you’re not a virgin
Girl #1: Oh, right. Dammit.
Bum: If you ain’t a virgin, you must be a ho! Don’t come back to this church. This is God’s place.
–St. John the Divine
Overheard by: a fox
Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!
–Hoboken PATH
Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.
–F train downtown
Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Ben Beckley
Chick #1: You know if I was going to be homeless, I wouldn’t choose New York. I’d go someplace warm.
Chick #2: Yeah, I’d go to Florida.
Chick #1: Or New Orleans. Well, not now, but it would have been good.
Chick #2: At least Myrtle Beach.
Chick #1: Yeah. If I were homeless I wouldn’t stay here. I’d go to Aruba.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Tricia Morall
Hobo: Hi. My name’s Lloyd. Most of you all know me by now. Yes, I’m still coaching basketball. I just wanted to say, have a happy holiday, and if you don’t have change–
Man: It’s happy Christmas, not happy holiday.
Hobo: You should know that some people don’t celebrate Christmas.
Man: Fuck ’em.
–N train
Guy #1: Hey man, do you want these chips?
Urchin boy: No.
Guy #2: I guess beggars can be choosers.
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Mathew J
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
