Puerto Rican teen #1: That’s nothing. I seen a horse give birth on the TV. That baby horse just come outta the big horse butt all slimy and shit.
Puerto Rican teen #2: Oh, snap?
Puerto Rican teen #1: For real, yo. That’s some big stuff comin’ outta your butt if you’re a horse and shit…
–14th St, between Ave A & Ave B
Med student guy #1: Wait up, you’re saying that nearsighted means you can’t see far? But it should, like, mean that you can’t see near.
Med student guy #2: Yeah, I know, it’s like backwards or something.
–Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center, West 168th Street
Girl #1, about her new website: So, our e-newsletter will be sent out weekly with pictures accompanying every article….
Girl #2, trying really hard to be interested: That’s a very… interesting way to keep things… interesting, and get people… interested… in what you’re selling. That’s great!
–Greyhound bus, Port Authority
Overheard by: Sim
Guy #1: Naw, you’s retarded! That’s Greek, yo!
Guy #2: Where’s Greece?
Guy #1: Dude, Greece is in Ireland.
Guy #2: No it ain’t.
Guy #1: But they look the same, man!
–Sunset Park
Teen girl #1: I have to write an expository essay on something that has impacted my life.
Teen girl #2: Has anyone in your family ever died?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, but no one, like, close to me.
Teen girl #2: Do you have any, like, retards in your family?
Teen girl #1: No, but I did meet a retard one time… He was, like, really retarded, too. Maybe I’ll write about that…
–F train
Girl #1: Oh my God, we are all wearing the same shirts!
Girl #2: We are all in the volleyball team.
Girl #3: Shut up.
–L train
Overheard by: Karen
Guy #1: Yesterday this girl said she wanted to throw herself in front of the train and I’m like, “This bitch is crazy.”
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: I mean, I see that motherfucka coming and that shit ain’t gonna happen, you know?
Guy #2: Maybe she was depressed.
Guy #1: Are you kidding? That shit is pancake style…bitch is crazy.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Nander
Girl #1: Yeah, I think those are real trees. Otherwise, I don’t think they would grow like that.
Girl #2: Yeah, I think you’re right.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Alison Kiczek
Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: H. Chan
Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.”
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Fernando Taveras
Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
–J train
Stupid tourist girl: Where you heading?
Not-so-stupid tourist, pointing to Empire State Building: We're going there.
Stupid tourist girl: What's that?
Not-so-stupid tourist: Seriously? It's the Empire State Building.
Stupid tourist girl: How am I supposed to know? I've never been here before!
–E 14th St
Headline by: thirsy
Runners-Up:
· “Hey! There’s a Giant Drag Queen in the Harbor!” – Nick Pollotta
· “Now Tell Me About the Big Shiny Blue Thing in the East” – Nick Pollotta
· “That’s What You Said When We Went to the Bathroom” – BabakganoosH
· “Why Are All These Cars Yellow?” – pbump
· “Yet She Expects Me to Find the Clitoris” – joe
· “You Mean Earth, Right?” – aliensareamongus
