Check-out kid #1: Dude, last night I had a dream I was adopted by Angelina Jolie!
Check-out kid #2: What?
Check-out kid #1: No, dude, for real!
–Brooklyn
Check-out kid #1: Dude, last night I had a dream I was adopted by Angelina Jolie!
Check-out kid #2: What?
Check-out kid #1: No, dude, for real!
–Brooklyn
Italian man: Did you see that Along Came Polly? Bah! Pile of shit! It has that Jew actor. Ben Stiller. You know Ben Stiller? From the Dodgeball movie? It’s the one where they throw the balls at each other. Now that movie’s pretty good! That movie you should see!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Katy K
A man hands a woman a brochure for erectile dysfunction.
Man: I’m not only the president, I’m also a client.
–MetroNorth Train
Overheard by: Mark
Dude: If Terri Schiavo’s head was filled with oil Dubya would drill into her skull himself.
–Q train
Overheard by: Mr. Tips
Woman #1: You know that wasn’t a real woman, right?
Woman #2: I don’t know, I don’t know. I gotta ask my husband. He’ll know.
–23rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.
–1 train
Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.
–96th St station
Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?
–Sushi restaurant, Soho
Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.
–E 61st & Lex
Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.
–E 23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jake
Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.
–Leon M. Goldstein High
Overheard by: Hand-banana
Round ghetto girl: Skateboardin’: not cool.
Skater: Childhood obesity: not cool.
–125th St station
Overheard by: Solar
Dumb blonde girl to guy: Are you from England or is that just a British accent?
British guy: Uh, yeah.
–SoHo Billiards
Overheard by: Cory
Girl #1: He used to hang out at Bungalow 8 and do coke with Joaquin Phoenix all the time.
Guy #1: That’s so cool!
Girl #2: How can Joaquin Phoenix do coke? He’s a vegan!
Girl #1: Vegans can’t do coke?
Girl #2: Well, being vegan is supposedly to be all…conscious and stuff.
Guy #2: Does he think they make coke with meat?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: ~dana
Bleached blonde #1: He’s totally cheating on me.
Bleached blonde #2: Yeah, with his wife. I don’t think that counts.
Bleached blonde #1: It totally does. The bastard.
–Carnegie Hall
