Guy: Have you read the book we’re going to be discussing tonight?
Jane Hyun: I wrote it.
–Starbucks, 29th & Park
Guy: Have you read the book we’re going to be discussing tonight?
Jane Hyun: I wrote it.
–Starbucks, 29th & Park
Bus driver #1: Hey, Frank!
Bus driver #2: WHAT?
Bus driver #1: Dude, stop yelling at me. I’m right next to you.
Bus driver #2: It’s my bus driver voice.
Bus driver #1: You need to learn when the right time is to use the bus driver voice.
Bus driver #2: Jeez, sorry.
–Kew Garden Rd, Queens
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
European male model #1: You know, he’s albino.
European male model #2: Albino?
European male model #1: Albino? Albeeno?
European male model #2: Oh, albeeno, I know what that is. Red eyes.
American male model #1: What the fuck? Blue eyes, man.
European male model #2: No, red. They don’t have enough…
European male model #1: Ferment.
European male model #2: Yeah, not enough fermentation in their eyes. It’s biology… That is biology.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Julie
Guy #1: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Guy #2: That’s hard, man. I’ve never been good at science.
Guy #3: Me neither.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: Bored at the Office
Check-out kid #1: Dude, last night I had a dream I was adopted by Angelina Jolie!
Check-out kid #2: What?
Check-out kid #1: No, dude, for real!
–Brooklyn
Italian man: Did you see that Along Came Polly? Bah! Pile of shit! It has that Jew actor. Ben Stiller. You know Ben Stiller? From the Dodgeball movie? It’s the one where they throw the balls at each other. Now that movie’s pretty good! That movie you should see!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Katy K
A man hands a woman a brochure for erectile dysfunction.
Man: I’m not only the president, I’m also a client.
–MetroNorth Train
Overheard by: Mark
Dude: If Terri Schiavo’s head was filled with oil Dubya would drill into her skull himself.
–Q train
Overheard by: Mr. Tips
Woman #1: You know that wasn’t a real woman, right?
Woman #2: I don’t know, I don’t know. I gotta ask my husband. He’ll know.
–23rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.
–1 train
Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.
–96th St station
Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?
–Sushi restaurant, Soho
Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.
–E 61st & Lex
Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.
–E 23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jake
Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.
–Leon M. Goldstein High
Overheard by: Hand-banana
