Dude #1: So, it’s a scientific fact that dudes enjoy taking dumps more than girls enjoy taking dumps.
Dude #2: Yeah, totally. Because of the prosta–
Dude #3: –Yeah! Man, ’cause girls take, like, huge dumps. I mean, I am talking Coke can-sized. Like, you think they’re all dainty and everything, but when it comes down to it I think girls take bigger dumps than dudes, and they can’t enjoy it because they’re pressing grenades out of their asses.
–48th & 6th
Overheard by: matt stohrer
Man #1: …and on the top floor, they sell condos.
Man #2: What is that, like a building?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: jbay
Girl #1: What kind of food are we having?
Girl #2: Italian.
Girl #1: No, I mean what nationality?
–L train
Overheard by: Eric Beers
Guy holding baby: I’ve decided I’m going to write a pop-up history of the ancient world, based on Herodotus. Should be great for babies.
–Strand Bookstore
American history tutor: The only dictator I know of is Hugo Chavez, and that’s because I met him.
–Jake’s Saloon, 57th & 10th
Overheard by: poor kid’s gonna fail that test
Rich mom with two kids: … And it was named after our country’s first president, Christopher Columbus.
–117th & Broadway
Overheard by: doesn’t get columbus day off
Guy to friend: If I can make it through the ’80s, I can make it through anything.
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: squishduck
Professor: Sigismondo Malatesta was the only person in history to ever be publicly consigned to Hell by the pope. Now, that’s when a pope was a pope. I wish the pope would just get on TV and say, ‘You’re going to Hell!’
–Fordham University – Rose Hill
Overheard by: Christina
Guy: Wait, have I ever told you guys about my irrational fear of the late 1800s?
–NYU dorm
Overheard by: Danimal
Big black dude #1: You want to leave all the white women to me? That’s fine.
Big black dude #2: Oh, [laughs], I don’t have a problem getting white women. I’m half Indian and half Puerto Rican. I got that Boricua thing going.
Big black dude #1: Oh, shit. Well, I got Mexican in my family…
Smaller black dude: You part Mexican? Where were you born?
Big black dude #1: Well, I was born in Haiti, but I grew up in the Bronx, and my uncle recently married a Mexican.
–Changing room, Church St Boxing gym, Church & Park
Woman #1: I got my grandmother the hugest card for Mother’s Day. She likes things that are really big.
Man: See, and they always told me that size doesn’t matter.
Woman #1: It really doesn’t matter what it says; she doesn’t understand English, anyway.
Woman #2: Do you think giving her the big card makes her understand it better the same way people think that talking louder to people who can’t speak English make them understand you?
–14th Street elevator
Loser: You know what’s funny? I’m actually more creative when I have thumbnails.
Artist (overhearing him, under her breath): Then you’re not that creative.
–Holiday Markets, Union Square
Lesbian #1: The G train always takes so long between stops, especially since it’s not going in a tunnel.
Lesbian #2: But it does go through a tunnel.
Lesbian #1: Yeah, but I mean a tunnel under water.
Lesbian #2: Oh, yeah, okay, it’s not going under water.
Lesbian #1: I always wondered how they make those tunnels.
Lesbian #2: They have one of those machines, that goes in circles.
Lesbian #1: Oh, okay…
Lesbian #2: You know, the one that goes in circles really quickly?
Lesbian #1: Yeah… [Pause] But when they build the tunnel in the water, does it go in the water, or under the water?
Lesbian #2: Under the water.
Lesbian #1: Oh, right.
–G train
Cashier in Jack’s 99 Cent store: Here’s your change, 62-cents
Woman: But I just gave you $62, and since everything here costs $1, how come you’re giving me 62 cents back?
Cashier: Everything here is 99-cents
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah
— Jack’s 99-Cent Store, Midtown
Overweight woman: “I honesty think there must be a shortage of fabric or material because all shirts are baby tees and all pants are to small and low on the hips, I dont get it”
— Manhattan
