A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'”
— Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.
–Central Park Reservoir
Headline by: Brooklyn Twang
Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0” – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T
Jappy highschool queen bee to Starbucks guy wearing earrings: Are those real diamonds?
Twentysomething African-American Starbucks guy: No.
Jappy highschool queen bee: Awwww I’ll mail you some real ones for your Bar Mitzvah, okay?
–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex
Jewish guy #1: We should become born-again Christians so people have to get us presents and we can have parties on our born-again birthdays.
Jewish guy #2: That is the worst reason for converting I have ever heard… Wait, no — actually, if we do it, can we have born-again bar mitzvahs?
–South St Seaport
Man walking down the street in downtown Vancouver to the woman next to him: “I’m Jewish, but my family has been in Canada for three generations”
Woman: “Oh. I have one Jewish friend.”
Hasidic girl, after borrowing non-hasidic girl's phone: Thank you so much! What's your name?
Non-hasidic girl: Ann.
Hasidic girl: Ann… You're Jewish, no?
Non-hasidic girl: No.
Hasidic girl: Really?
Non-hasidic girl, slightly annoyed: Really.
Hasidic girl: Oh. Well, it was nice meeting you anyway.
–Kingston & Empire
Overheard by: Jess
Very Jewish lady behind deli counter: So, how have you been?
Very old Jewish man: Oh, I'm still here.
–Zabar's Deli
Woman: Yo, I just saw somethin really racist.
Man: What?
Woman: There was a sign in the subway that said “Jesus for Jews, Jews for Jesus.”
Man: Oh, that’s a religous group. Haven’t you ever heard of Jews for Jesus?
Woman: That shit’s racist! Jesus for everybody. Jesus for people of all colors!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Steph
Jewess: That’s the third time you mentioned Jews. What’s wrong with Jews?
Goy: They are demanding, confrontational, and have a hard time telling the truth. What religion are you, anyway?
Jewess: Uh…Baptist.
–Times Square
Overheard by: J. Peter Jones
Middle-aged man, into his cell phone: It’s an oneg-shabbat. It’s just a big dinner where everyone can meet each other and talk. It’s only a few hundred dollars for you to sponsor it. [pause] Well, it’s really not a dinner. It’s just some fruit and plates for people to pick at.
— Midtown
